Been SO Long!

I know it's been a long time since I've posted. Blame it on depression, laziness, being busy...who knows. But alas...here I am. As of now, I am sitting at my computer in J. Watching the Tigers play the Bulldogs...so far, not so good, but it's still the first half. We still may have a miracle on our hands. I hate not having a job...correction. I hate not having money. I LOVE not working. Who wouldn't. I mean, I don't like the fact that I don't have a purpose...a career that I'm proud of, or something that I'm good at, but I do not miss working the same old same old jobs at a desk for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Granted, I miss the people at certain jobs...you know who you are! ; ) I want to do something that I am good at but also that I can be proud of and make money doing. But isn't that everyone's dream? Maybe it's that I think I'm not good enough to achieve that. Who knows. I think I've been over this before. I know I have in my head almost everyday. Which is why it's such an important thing to get it out I suppose. I keep thinking maybe I should do the medical transcription and coding certification school. But I have to wait and see if Voc Rehab will take me. It seems as if my life right now is waiting on other people. But I digress. Even if I do the medical stuff, will I like it? I know if it takes off it will make me more money than I was making, but will it give me the fulfillment I've been longing for? Everyone keeps telling me that I should become a writer. Well, I am a writer. Always have been. I just don't actually write and publish things. And this goes back to not thinking I'm good enough. There's something in my mind that tells me that there isn't any way that I can be one of "those" people. They are in a different league. They are on another PLANET as far as I'm concerned. I'm not like them. I don't have what it takes. Again. Who knows.

As for me and G, we're great. His mom had surgery on her foot and got that straightened out...literally. She's been in a cast for the past 6 weeks. And when she gets out of it, she will be able to walk a lot better. I've been going back and forth between here and there to help care for her since she couldn't do ANYTHING for herself with that thing on her foot. I'm so happy for her that she'll get some of her independence back. A lot of things will be changing around there once she does.

Mom and I are trying to join the Y. They just built a brand new one right up the road from the new house. Which would ROCK. We have to fill out the financial assistance forms for it though since neither one of us has a job! But we went and toured it the other day and it's super nice and they have 2 indoor pools that look totally delicious. I can't wait to go and start losing weight. Mom's already lost 20 pounds in just a month or so from being on her meds. I recently started on Topomax...and WOWZA! It totally curbs my appetite which is one of the reasons the docs prescribed it to me. So I'm totally pumped about that. I have to ramp up the dosages though because it has to build up in your blood stream, and last night was the first night that I took 2 tablets. And I woke up this morning and WASN'T in a whole lot of pain! I couldn't believe it! I actually pinched myself a few times just to make sure I was still alive! This could be good.

Let's just say that I was cured from this horrid disease tomorrow. That actually scares me because I would have no earthly idea what to do with myself. I don't want to go back to the same old jobs and the same old life. I just have no idea what I would do with myself. So, I guess I need to do what my mom suggested and brainstorm some ideas as to how I can move forward with my life NOW. And how I can better myself NOW. Good plan. Maybe I will do that and then post it on here for the whole world to read.

My life in print. Maybe that will be the title to the novel that will change my life.

Peace out home chili fries! I plan to continue updating a little more frequently this time! Hopefully with a little more interesting content than this one!

Love to all, always!

~*MareBear*~