Slice And Dice No More

Surgery has been cancelled...or rather postponed. Last Thursday I went for my pre-op testing and instead of meeting with Dr. Incredibly-Stunning-and-Fabulous I met with a Nurse Practitioner who answered my questions with ease (imagine that) and took care of business like a champ. One thing that got brought up was my teeth. For those of you who DON'T know...my teeth are...well...HORRIBLE. I was blessed with weak enamel and my teeth break if I SMILE crooked. I've already had several thousands of dollars of work done on my teeth and to no avail. I've already had quite a few teeth extracted as well. So, I knew that I had a few teeth that were in bad shape to put it mildly, and that any infection in your mouth is a BIG no-no when it comes to having any type of surgery...ESPECIALLY a hip replacement. So I opened wide and showed the NP and she said....Oh yes...get those OUT before the surgery on Monday. It was put to me like this..."The hip replacement is like a MAGNET for infection. So you need to get any infection completely out of your body so it doesn't travel through your blood stream straight to that hip!" So, off we went to the dentist that very afternoon.

The dentist took a full mouth x-ray and surprise surprise, I had THREE teeth that were already abscessed!! So lucky me, I got laid up on the chair with my trusty gas mask and the excision began. No, not EXORCISM...although at one point I did almost want to turn into Linda Blair and start screaming dirty words at the woman in a really evil voice...but I couldn't because my mouth was otherwise engaged. Anyway...one of the teeth had to be surgically removed, and by surgically, I mean she had to tug...and pull....and cut...and twist...and yank...and tear it out in pieces. At one point the novocaine wore off and I felt her pulling and cutting and it was like lightening shooting through my body (or at least what I would assume lightening would feel like) and I grabbed the nurses hand. The dentist said, "Is it sharp or deep?" Ummmm. WHAT?? Well, it's EXCRUTIATING, but since you still have your hand and twelve instruments in my mouth, "AR AR AR AR AR AR ARARARARARARAR" was about all I could manage. So she gave me about 10 more novocaine shots that she CLAIMED could numb an elephant (was she calling me fat?) and went about her business. She was DRENCHED with sweat and looked down at me and said, "Honey, I swear I'm going to give you some good drugs." I looked at her like, woman...you better, cause I'm gonna toilet paper your office if you don't. (That was the meanest threat I could think of at the time.) After it was all over...I felt like I had earned a spot in Fight Club...SCREW the first rule. My lips were bruised and scraped, my face swelled up like I had gotten wisdom teeth removed, and my jaw felt like someone had used it for target practice for a few hours. I think I'd like a refund on the laughing gas...that was NOT FUNNY. So, we asked the dentist if I should still go on with the surgery seeing as I'd had THREE abscessed teeth. She said SURE!! She said that I had even MORE decayed teeth on the VERGE of abscess, but that they would PROBABLY hold out until after the surgery. OK...I'm going to let you guys take a minute to let that sink in...Here...I'll even separate that sentence out...let you think about what that nurse said at the beginning...and what the dentist just said...and YOU guys...with NO medical experience...put 2 and 2 together...here....

It was put to me like this..."The hip replacement is like a MAGNET for infection. So you need to get any infection completely out of your body so it doesn't travel through your blood stream straight to that hip!"

She said SURE!! She said that I had even MORE decayed teeth on the VERGE of abscess, but that they would PROBABLY hold out until after the surgery.

OK, got it? Now...here I am thinking...hmmm. I have more infection in my mouth. Yes, the dentist gave me a MASSIVE amount of antibiotics. But still...Do I want to bank my life on a PROBABLY? Umm no. So I worry and worry and worry. Then, Sunday I start having MAJOR pain in one of the extraction sites and guess what!!! DRY SOCKET! Yippee! So, I go BACK to the dentist Monday and have them pack it with medicine, and she is looking at my x-rays and she says that she just wants to make sure that it's not another tooth that has abscessed. Huh?? Umm...if another tooth could have abscessed this quickly...then what's stopping it from abscessing during my surgery? That's when I got REALLY scared. Really worried. So mom and I called the surgeon's office yesterday and talked to his nurse. The MINUTE we mentioned teeth, abscess, dry socket...she said, NO WAY and immediately cancelled the surgery. She said if there are other teeth in my mouth that are in ANY way decaying or infected I need to have them ALL taken care of before the surgery. She gave me her direct number to call her back once I get it all taken care of. WHEW!

So...here's where things stand now. #1...surgery is obviously NOT happening for now. Which is a good thing and a bad thing. A bad thing because of course I want to get my hip taken care of and get my wiggle and my booty shake goin' on. A good thing because I'm not going to be at such a high risk for infection, and I was REALLY concerned about that. And I'd much rather be safe than sorry. #2...I'm going to see a NEW dentist next Thursday to get a consult on exactly what it's going to take to get a complete overhaul on my teeth. I hope to not only get them completely healthy but maybe, just MAYBE finally have a pretty smile. #3...I didn't have to tell Dr. Fall-On-My-Knees-And-Worship-Him-Because-He's-So-Great that I couldn't have the surgery because of my teeth. Someone ELSE got to tell him that. So I didn't get to see the excited and overjoyed look on his face. Yeah...right. #3 1/2...a bonus...IF this whole teeth procedure takes a while...maybe, just MAYBE I will get lucky enough to get my surgery rescheduled when Dr. Wants-to-Get-His-Hands-On-My-Hip is no longer on rotation. That means........I may never see his pearly whites again. Or hear his witty banter. Or feel his loving warmth radiate around me. Or have the joy of his uplifting attitude carry me throughout my day EVER EVER AGAIN!!!! Let's all have a moment of silence.

So anyway...that's the drama surrounding the not-so-impending slice and dice. Thanks to those who have written and called and told me that I should hang in there, stay strong, give em hell, kick ass and take names...or even change my middle name to Pain (I'm still looking into that, Shell!) I appreciate them all. I am just trying to roll with the punches and keep my sense of humor while doing it. I wouldn't be able to make it without you guys! My family and my friends...you guys are my glue that holds me together when I just want to literally fall to pieces. So thank you...in all seriousness...from the bottom of my heart.

I love you all very much!

~*MareBear*~ (with a few less teeth)