Boobs, Grass and Teeth

I know it's been a while since I've updated and given this blog a little rant or two. I've been a busy bee. As you know from my previous post, Miss Elizabeth Grace was born and Mom and I spent a WONDERFUL week with her in the Big Ham! We got a call last Monday morning at 10 AM that Aimes was in labor (THE REAL THING!!) and we tore out of here and made it into the parking lot of the hospital as Tamster was calling on my cell phone screaming, "We're in stirrups, and I SEE THE HEAD!!!" Do you realize how hard it is to DRIVE and hear those words?? Anyway, it was a joyous occasion, and she's the bestest little baby in the world. And again, I'm totally not being biased or anything! ; ) It was great spending so much time with the fam all week. But when we got back to Jackson, it was back to business as usual. I had a date with the dentist.

I went in there and told her straight up that I was NOT going to have root canals on every single tooth just to have them fail on me later. Not to mention...no way in hell am I giving up my Vaults. I was ready for a fight!! Ready to go in there and set her straight, prepared to take my teeth elsewhere. But...this strange thing happened. The universe just stopped. A DOCTOR AGREED WITH ME!!!!!!!!! She said, OK then. I'll do whatever you want to do. We'll take all the teeth out except for the molars and put in fake ones. AND...are you guys ready for THIS?!?!? AND they are going to treat me as if I have dental insurance...meaning I only have to pay 20%. They are going to cover the rest of the cost. Ummm. Holy dentures Batman!!!! So the entire enchilada which would have originally cost me around $4200 is NOW only going to cost me around $1000! I would have kissed the woman if she hadn't had sharp instruments in her hand! I did have to endure one root canal on one of the molars that they are leaving...but hey...that was NOTHING compared to the extractions I had done by Dr. Mutilator a month or so ago! So...the next step is pulling ALL of my teeth which will NOT be fun...at all. Hopefully they won't be as bad as the last time I got some pulled. Needless to say, I will be eating mush for quite a while because even though I will have my fake beautiful teeth IMMEDIATELY, my gums will be so tender that I won't want to bite down on anything for a long time. But hey...guess this is one weight loss plan I hadn't really thought about! But in the end, I will have a GORGEOUS, perfect smile, and I won't have to worry about infection when it comes to my hip surgery!!! YAY!!!!!

So yesterday we got something that we've been waiting for since January 1st. GRASS!!! Mom and the dogs were especially thrilled. The yard looks absolutely transformed. The workers showed up yesterday morning at around 9 AM and didn't leave until almost 8 PM. I use the term "workers" lightly. They took turns sleeping on the side of the house, sleeping in our patio chairs, waving their empty cups at us through our window to get "filtered water" instead of water from the outside faucet, and asking us to use our phone to call friends to ask when they could be picked up. What they DIDN'T realize is that THEIR boss works for a guy who works with my dad. So one phone call and their boss was on his way over. He snuck around the side of the house and caught a few of them sleeping. There was some cussing and kicking and surprised people. After the fact it's pretty amusing, but at the time I was a little afraid that they'd come shoot up the house that night for us getting them in trouble with their boss! But anyway, now we have a nice green yard for mom and the dogs to play in!! FINALLY! Here's a before and after.

Now on to the boob section of this blog entry, which I'm sure many of the guys out there may have fast forwarded to. Sorry to disappoint fellas, but this isn't going to be a kinky rendition of Sex In the City. Tuesday, I had my first mammogram. For those of you who have never had one...pull up a chair. I had to have one being only 25 years old because since Mom was struck with the big "C" before she hit menopause that put me in the "VERY STRONG" category of getting breast cancer. So, I go in to the cancer center and don a VERY attractive gown and sit in front of this very inviting machine. The nurse was pretty cool though. Side note here... She used to work with Dr. Warmth and Charm!!! We dished about him for about 30 minutes. She gave me some good tips on how to handle lovely residents that don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. But anywho. She asks me to stand in front of this machine that has a platform at boob level and a clear flat board above it that can be manually or mechanically moved up and down. She puts my boobs up there one by one and proceeds to SMASH the hell out of them. I don't look until she has pushed the clear plastic board down as far as she needs it to and then she says, OK...you can look. Ummm...I had NO idea my boob could be as flat as a pancake. But I do now. My boob is talented. It's a shape shifter. And to be honest...the up and down smashing didn't even really hurt. But when she had to smash them DIAGONALLY!?!? Yeah...let's not even go there. That involves armpit and boob and nipple and muscle and a whole bunch of holding your breath and just...well...ugh. At least it only lasts a couple of seconds. As for the results...they haven't called me back for a follow up ultrasound, so I'm taking that as a good sign. And they said as long as I don't have any problems I won't have to have another one until I'm 30! YEE HAW!!!

So...there you have it...there has been plenty of drama...and I will have more posts to come that have to do with some other more serious family drama. But as for now...boobs, grass and teeth...you are pretty much caught up! ; )

Love to all as always!

~*MareBear*~