How Come?

How come we get these crazy or not so crazy dreams in our heads as children and teens and think that there's nothing to stop us to get to that point? And then how come some of us get exactly what we imagined and some of us get just the opposite? Is it God telling us something? Do others just have more willpower and stick-to-it-iveness than other people? Can we turn things around after things have gone horribly wrong and still achieve what we want? I suppose these are questions to ponder and things to pray about if you are a spiritual person. And where do those dreams come from anyway? Are they a product of our environment? Something that our parents put in our heads as kids? Something THEY really wanted but never got?? I guess the answer to that question is all of the above...just some people get their dreams from different sources. My dream when I was a kid was to be a pediatrician. Back then, I was gung-ho! I bought medical books and read encyclopedias...even had a meeting with MY pediatrician and took notes on what he did all day. And I wasn't even a TEENAGER yet! Now though...I don't think I could do that. I am not sure my stomach could handle some of the things that these nurses and doctors (bless their souls) DO! Did I let that dream go because as a child I didn't realize what it would take? Did I let it go because I didn't think I could achieve it? Or was it just my course in life that led me away from it? My childhood best friend, MA, she wanted to be an elementary school teacher. She wanted to go to Auburn. She had her life down to the letter...as I thought I had mine...Today, MA is getting her Master's degree from Auburn in childhood education! Me...I'm sitting here with a disability after MANY unsuccessful jobs and no professional schooling. Not that I'm throwing a pity party...I'm not. It's just that every year that goes by I think, ya know...it's not too late for me to get a degree. But here I am, 24 years old and NADA. I do admit that I've been lazy, or depressed, or just haven't WANTED it bad enough to go after it. I have no idea...all I know is that I have from tomorrow until the end of my life to make it right. If I said that I regretted my whole life, I'd be lying. Yes, I made some major mistakes and I could've done a heck of a lot of things better. But WOW...I've had a great life and I hope that I have a lot of time left to make my life even better. I've loved and lost and found love again to be the best that I could've imagined. I've broken my mother's heart, but by the grace of God, we are the closest that a mother and daughter could be. I spent so many years depressed and on medication...and now I am happy without medication in the midst of some really bad times. I still have many hopes and dreams. Some of them realistic, some of them, maybe not so much. But I do know one thing. I am blessed to have a great family. I am blessed to have a man in my life who is my best friend, lover and partner. I am blessed to have AVN...yep, I am. Because maybe I wouldn't have come to the conclusion of how blessed I really am if I hadn't gone through all the turmoil of this disease. So, maybe I've answered my own question. How come we have these dreams when we are kids of what we want our life to be?? I think it's because of hope. If we had nothing to dream of, we wouldn't have any hope. We'd have no ambition. We'd have nothing to look forward to. We'd have nothing to stir our souls and our hearts and to tell us, even if it's a whisper, that "we are blessed!"

The Long Birmingham Stay

Well, as it turns out, what was supposed to be a week and a half trip has now turned into an almost 3 week stay. G has 3 days off in a row next weekend and we decided that instead of him coming to Jackson and #1 spending all the money in gas and #2 spending precious time that he COULD be spending with me, driving, and #3 the stress of dealing with leaving his mom (which SO much goes into) we decided to just stay in town and spend the time just the two of us. We'll probly hit V-land if it doesn't rain...and maybe go see some movies and out to eat and stuff.

Yesterday we went to Pearl River Resort...we took his mom for her birthday...it was the first road trip she had been on since before the stroke FIVE years ago!! I was so glad that she decided to go...she was pretty uncomfortable in the car on the way down there, but we moved her around and she did ok. And then after several hours of being in the wheelchair at the casino, she was feeling a little sore and tired so we headed home. She told me this morning that she feels like she got hit by a truck...but hopefully G and her can walk some more and she can feel better the next time we go. Mom met us there and I was SO glad...G's mom really liked her and I think was relieved to have someone near her age to talk to. Mom was brilliant as usual...she knows just what to say to anyone. Who couldn't love her?!?! As for the gambling aspect. G and his mom came out about even and mom did too. I lost almost $70! UGH! I didn't even realize I had spent that much!!! I wanted to throw up! But oh well. I had fun, so that's all that matters.

We had "doggie spa day" the other day...we gave all the dogs baths and flea stuff and put on some hot spot medicine...but MAN they are STILL itching! Mom said it's just a really bad allergy season for animals. So, I may have to buy some allergy pills for them. WOW this post is extremely boring!!!

Well, I guess I am just trying to keep up with this blog and make sure I write in it somewhat often.

Little Tidbits:

Al the rat is about to die. He hasn't eaten in over a week and his breathing is labored. I think it's because he was so lonely after Whiskers died. As soon as Frita dies, we will NOT be getting anymore rats for a VERY long time!

I am so glad that me and G's mom are getting so much closer.

I really need to quit smoking, but I love it too much, and I'm afraid I will gain my 50 pounds back.

Susie is the coolest friend EVER...who ever said that there was a problem with an age difference between friends!!!

I miss Annie and Whitney and Tigger...oh yeah, and Mom and Dad! HA! LY MI!

Vault drinks are the bomb diggity...send me stuff.

I need to clean more and want to paint and redo the whole house.

They poured the foundation for our house in J the other day! FINALLY!!! YIPPEE!

My mom is the best person that I've ever known.

I love G with all my heart and soul and can't imagine my life without him.

Nermies is the best kitty cat that anyone could ever own. And no, he's not the one that's 20 years old!

I want a boob lift and a tummy tuck once I've lost the rest of my weight.

My hip hurts.

I am hoping that my little sister doesn't make the same mistakes I did. I hope she doesn't start drinking.

I wish that I had a fabulous career and could make my own way in life.

I have a feeling that I can't have kids and it breaks my heart.

The Closer is the best TV show ever.

Even after you've been with someone for years and years, your sex life can still be wonderful.

You CAN fall in love with the same person over and over again.

Daydreaming never hurt anyone.

Or maybe it has.

Alrighty. That's it for now! I'm kind of in a writing mood, so I might be on here again sooner rather than later!!! Love you all so very very much!!

Peace out home chili fries!!


~Mare Bear