Who says?

Who says I can't eat spoonfuls of peanut butter and call that a lunch?

Who says my cat can't beat your cat in a cuteness war? BRING IT!

Who says that I can't say "ole", or that Mom can't say "hose pipe", or that Denise can't say "SHAMpoo"? Who made you king of phonetics and the English language? I'll say abracaDAMNdabra if I want to.

Who says I can't believe in love at first sight? Watch me.

Who says I can't cry for no reason at all? It's MY party...I'll cry if I want to!

Who says I have to hold the door open for you when you are walking through behind me so it doesn't slam in your face? I don't...but I do it anyway...but you know what? YOU DO have to say thank you!

Who says we can't all just get along? If everyone would just shut up and realize that my opinion is the only one that counts...we'd all have it made! <---And for those of you out there who read this and think, Oh mah gah...what a SELFISH PERSON...YOU are the ones we need to start with on the "making the world a better place" scenario....LEARN TO APPRECIATE SARCASM PEOPLE! Humor is what makes the world go round.

Who says that I can't pick a couple's name from the phone book...send the wife 2 dozen roses with a note saying they are from her husband...hope he takes the credit...and maybe, just maybe, spark a change in a relationship that has needed to happen for a decade?

Who says I can't believe in miracles?

Who says I'm TOO short, TOO fat, TOO tan, TOO loud, TOO dramatic, TOO sensitive, TOO emotional, TOO analytical, TOO proud, TOO attached, TOO impulsive? Does someone out there have a sharpie that draws the line before "TOO" on all people...like a standardized TOO-ness of the world? Or is it judged on an individual basis?

Who says I can't watch soap operas and like them? You gotta problem with that??? HUH?

Who says I'm too old to...play in the rain, color in coloring books, watch cartoons, wish big, love Winnie the Pooh with a passion, eat dry Cheerios one by one with my fingers, build a fort with blankets and the dining room chairs, let my mom brush my hair, walk barefoot EVERYWHERE, drink milk through a crazy straw, listen to a bedtime story, love with the wholeheartedness of a child?

Who says I have to end this post now? Nobody...but I'm gonna.

Some Random Things You May Not Know About Me

I used to have my eyebrow pierced. Yep, that's right. And my highschool graduation pictures show it proudly much to my parents' chagrin.

I used to be engaged. Yep, that's right. I was a teenager. I was stupid. He was a moron. And the ring was itty bitty and ugly. Some of my highschool graduation pictures ALSO show that piece of lovely jewelry. Much to mine AND my parents' chagrin.

I once ate a cricket covered in strawberry syrup...and I wasn't paid any money for it.

I can belch just as good as any man...and I am NOT ashamed to admit it.

I snort when I laugh. I mean, you have to get me laughing pretty darn hard...and I have to not be paying attention. But if you catch me in the right moment. I'll snort. Yes, I sure will. And boy, it's a doozy.

I talk baby talk to my cat. Oh, you SO did not already know that!

I have this uncanny ability to identify actors' voices in animated movies, animated tv shows and voice overs in commercials. Yeah, you know I'm cool.

I say "Bowl" not "Boyl" for the word BOIL. Like, I would like some bowled eggs please. And "Ole" not "Oyl" for the word OIL. Like, I'm gonna go get my ole changed. This annoys and cracks up my parents to no end. Especially my dad who just today asked me who Popeye's girlfriend was just to hear me say "Olive OLE."

I am someone's blue marshmallow.

I was born with a hole in my lung.

I am one of the pickiest eaters you will ever meet. If I don't like the texture, temperature, color, smell, or the way a food looks back at ME...I'm not eating it.

But I do like peanut butter and turkey sandwiches.

I love snakes, but I am scared to death of cockroaches. And every time I see one, I name him Charlie and scream for someone to come kill him for me.

I have this recurring nightmare that I am going to die from falling. Falling from a very high place. I am not afraid of heights. I am afraid of falling.

I am allergic to shellfish and shrimp.

I had childhood asthma, I grew out of it, and now I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day.

I bite my fingernails.

I wear my seatbelt.

I know how to change a flat tire. In the middle of the desert even.

I have loved so much it hurt. I have laughed so hard I cried. I have felt so much I went numb. I have walked until my legs gave out. I have slept for 4 days straight. I have stayed awake for 4 days straight. I have given. I have taken. I have won. I have lost. And I will do it again. Love more, laugh more, live more.

And stomp on more Charlies.

Time for More Pics! (And None of Them Include ME!! YAY!!!!)

This would be Mom and the pups, Annie and Whitney. Here, they are somewhat happy about their picture being taken. Although, in every pic we take of Whit...her eyes always take on a very evil glow. But she really is the sweetest dog ever.















2nd picture taken and the pups are DUNZO! But look how great Mom looks. Can you believe that this woman is 45? Yes Mom...I told the world that you are 45...BUT LOOK AT YOU! Be proud! I can only PRAY that I look like this when I'm her age. What a babe!













I think the dogs may have been abducted by alien invaders and dumped back out in the dirt yard to make it SEEM like they were only out there "basking" in the sun. Hmmm. Better keep an eye on those little buggers.














"Mission Impossible: Good morning Mr. Nermies. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to jump out of this box and scare the poop out of the next person or puppy that walks by. No one suspects you are even IN this box. It's the PERFECT hiding spot. You are SO brilliant Mr. Nermies. This message will self destruct in...what the..."










"MOMMY!!! I am TRYING to be a top SECRET AGENT HERE!!! Would you PLEASE get away from me with the darn camera already. Ugh! I bet Tom Cruise never ran into this problem."











This would be the dirt yard. We do not have grass yet. But we love our dirt yard in our own special way. One of these days it will be green. In the meantime as you can see at the bottom, mom has her potted plants while she dreams of a yard and garden!








We do have a strip of green from where the back neighbors have grown rye grass in their backyard and it's grown under the fence! That's where the pups usually go and lay. It's their strip of heaven.

Doom's Day

So...April 24th is THE day. The day of my hip replacement. Some of you already know this but I'm writing it down anyway. Because that's what I do. The nurse called and she just kept saying, "CONGRATULATIONS!! CONGRATULATIONS!!" Umm. Is there a party going on that I don't know about? Did I win the lottery and I just don't remember buying a damn ticket? *sigh* I realize that she thinks that this is a "new beginning" for me. And it is. A very freaking scary one. I'm very freaking scared. April 24th is looming dangerously close. But at least I have more than ONE week to prepare myself mentally. CAN you prepare yourself mentally for something so life altering? The other night I had a dream that I woke up in the hospital bed and they had put the new hip in the wrong leg. Granted, that leg will need a new hip eventually anyway, but I felt so angry and helpless. And the fact that I knew they had to take me right back into surgery to put a new hip in the CORRECT leg just about sent me over the "panic" ledge of the Grand Canyon of panic attacks. Needless to say, as Mom put it, if that really DID happen, BOTH of my legs would be fixed and we would own the hospital. But still. This just shows how anxious I am at this point. I hate to see how I am a week before the actual surgery.

So, anyway...that's what's happening with that. I have to go 28 days before my surgery to give my first unit of blood. There's been a bit of "confusion" with that. I say that in quotes because when I say "confusion," I mean that the Dr. Warmth and Charm is a complete IDIOT and has no idea what he's doing. When I left the clinic he had told me that I can just "walk in" to the blood bank and they would just "know what to do with you." Well, thank goodness that that sounded weird to me, and I CALLED the place. They told me that I needed a PRESCRIPTION from Dr. Genius with EXACT instructions on what to do, and then I'd have to HOPE I could get an appointment on the date I needed before my surgery. *sigh again* So, I put a call in to Dr. Always Accommodating and left him a message telling him what I need. He has yet to call me back. Go figure. So we will see if this affects my surgery date. It sure as hell better not.

Love to all as always!

~*MareBear*~

Cave In

Another camp memory...this one a little longer and serious...one that can teach us all a lesson and give us something to think about. I was about 16 at the time.

At a weekend church retreat our youth minister divides us up into groups of 15. He purposely groups us in with people we don't know very well. I mean, we are all friends, but we aren't grouped in with our current boyfriends or best friends...things like that. It's about 9 PM, so it's pitch black outside, and he takes our group of 15 out for what we think will be a little nighttime tromp in the woods. We are loud and carrying on when we come upon a small building in the middle of the trees. It isn't even a building...it's more like a free-standing room with no windows. Just a door. A single door. Suddenly, the 15 of us get really quiet. The youth minister is the only one with a flashlight and he throws it off into the woods. What's this? I begin to get a little bit nervous. Small places with no light. Hmm. Not my idea of a cozy campfire night with my buds. So...we each step inside the room. There is barely enough room for the 15 of us to line the 4 walls. And we sit indian style on the floor. The youth minister comes in after us...shuts the door...locks it...darkness...silence.

After what seems like an eternity...whoosh...a small orange flame appears in the middle of the blackness as a candle is lit. Nervous and anxious faces begin to be illuminated and eyes squint and search for familiarity amongst the darkness. All eyes soon focus on the man who brought us here. We want answers...now. When the air is palpable with our silent questions...he begins what in reality is an imaginary story...but in our hearts becomes a very real and true journey.

"We've just gone on an expedition into a cave. All 16 of us. The opening to the cave has just collapsed, trapping us all inside. Workers have been called in and are in the process of digging a hole to get us out. Here's our dilemma. When they dig the hole, it will be unstable. There will only be enough room for one person at a time to crawl out. The hole can collapse at any time and once it does...they cannot reopen it. The only thing guaranteed is that at least ONE person WILL get out."

He let this sink in. None of us moved. None of us spoke. We just stared. He went on.

"So, now...we have just a few minutes to decide who will be that one person to get out. And then we must decide in WHAT order will we proceed from there. And once we do that, we will all have 2 minutes to tell the ONE person that we know will make it out what we want our loved ones on the outside to know...in case we happen to not make it. And just so you know, I will be going out last."

Woah. I'm not ready for this. And from the look of everyone else, they aren't either. But too late for not being ready. It's here...now. Decide. So we go around the room and give a half hearted vote on who we think should go first based on who we have on the outside...what we have on the outside...regrets...dreams...wishes...we were reaching for straws. We come up with someone. He was sitting right next to me. We were touching knees. I looked at him. He was going to make it. Even in the small orange light that was fading to blue I could see some relief in those eyes. But instead of being envious, I grabbed his hand and squeezed. He needed it more than me. And I was glad for him. He squeezed back. Hard. And the orange-blue light caught the reflection of moisture on his cheek.

Soon we had our order figured out...I was number 7 out of 16. About the middle. I was guessing that was better than number 15. She was looking a little green around the gills. We were eager to tell our number 1 everything we wanted our loved ones to know. Now he was looking a little wary. Can you imagine the burden to bear? He was so relieved to know that he was going to live...and now to carry the weight of what could be 15 other lives that perished on his heals. And he is carrying their very words on his lips to those they loved. We each took our full 2 minutes and poured our hearts out. Not a single person had a dry eye. I talked of my mom who was my hero, my best friend, my soul mate, my whole life...tell her Thank You...even though that could never be enough...I told him to tell my little sister that I'm sorry I wasn't there enough and I love her...I told him to tell my "step"dad that he had changed my whole world and given me a new definition on what a dad could really be...and that words could never begin to tell him what that meant to me...I told him to tell the rest of my family that I loved them...I started to tell him more...but my 2 minutes were up. 2 minutes goes by really fast when you want to say how much you love someone...let alone how much you love everyone who ever meant something to you.

The workers broke through...the door opened. And we lined up in order. Our instructions were this...Line up single file. Look straight ahead. Do not speak. Do not turn around and look behind you. Keep walking until you reach the lodge of the campgrounds. So we walked. And we didn't speak. And I thought it was a great lesson learned. And it was all over. I followed my fellow "cavemen" in a tight single file. Until I cheated about midway through the woods and turned and glanced over my shoulder. Remember....I was 7th in line. When I turned around. There was no one behind me. I was the last one who made it out alive.


I cried all the way back to camp. And when I got back everyone there had similar stories to tell. I ran and hugged all my friends and we all cried and said how much we loved each other. About 30 minutes later, the "dead" campers came back all swollen eyed and told their story of how they got trapped again and talked about how they would feel. It was an incredible experience. And one that I wanted to share because just...what if? What if you had just a moment or two to tell someone how you felt before you left this Earth? What if you, like me...couldn't even REMEMBER all the people you wanted to tell? I know it's totally cliche to say that you should never let a day go by without telling the people you love how you feel about them...and "Live each day as if it were your last." Well, ok...sure...much easier said than done. So, how about instead we just TRY to every now and then take a moment to pour our hearts out to those we love...just to make sure they KNOW how we feel. Have a "check-in" moment. Would that be so hard? In case we ever do find ourselves trapped in a cave...or at the receiving end of a scalpel during a major surgery. You know...one of those rare occurrences like that. ; )

Love to all AS always!

Forever yours,

MareBear

Tigger (January 25, 1985 - March 9, 2006)

Tonight we put our sweet kitty, Tigger, to sleep. In a way, it was an extremely hard decision, in another way, it was an easy one.

She was 21 years old. She has been a part of our family since I can remember. Since I was 5 years old. The last year of her life she was completely deaf. But that didn't slow her down! If she wanted attention, she would walk right up behind you on the back of the couch and head-butt you. She couldn't hear herself meow...so I believe she held the world record for highest decibel kitty cat scream!

When I was little, she used to sleep right next to my head at night...right by my pillow. And I would whisper to her until I fell asleep. I would tell her my secrets. My hopes and my dreams. My little girl wishes. And as I got older, I would tell her all my heart's desires. Problems with my boyfriends. Rant to her about fights I had with friends or my mom. Cry to her when my heart was broken. And every chance I got, I buried my face in her soft fur and inhaled deeply. She always had this unique scent that smelled just like home. She moved with us from Alabama to Texas, from Texas to Alabama, with my parents from Alabama to North Carolina, and then from North Carolina finally to Mississippi. And her scent never changed. She always smelled like home. Like Tigger. When I was younger I used to tell my mom, "I'm going to take Tigger with me when I go to college!" Well, things didn't exactly happen that way. But, luckily, I got the chance to spend the last year living with her again. To my mom and me, she was more than just a cat. She was a love. A family member. A child, a sister. A secret keeper. A snuggler.

Tonight we decided that we needed to say goodbye. We wanted to remember her while she was still just a little bit lively. She was starting to fade and we didn't want to watch her waste away. We can be happy knowing that she is bouncing around as high as she did when she was a kitten. (Which is how she got her name.) Playing with an endless supply of shoelaces and strings. Catnip and kitty treats in abundance. And we know one day we will meet her again at Rainbow Bridge.

We love you baby Tigger. You gave us so much joy. I can only hope and pray that we returned your love and purrs with half as much enthusiasm as you gave to us.

Yours forever and always.

To Be With You

When I was about 11, my best friend MA and I went to camp to Panama City Beach, FL for a week during the summer. For those of you who ever went on a week-long camp retreat...gosh...they were SO much fun...especially the beach trips. Days just playing in the sand. Hanging out by the pool. Singing by the bonfire at night on the beach. Cute boys playing the guitars. You always came back with sand in your clothes and bags and sun on your skin and stories to tell. Not a care in the world. The reason I bring this up now is because last night I had a blast from the past. A little reminder of this particular camping adventure. You see. One night after the girls in our little cabin had "supposedly" gone to bed, the guys from the cabin up the beach came over. MA and I just happened to have a MASSIVE crush on the counselor of that particular cabin. And of course he knew it. What 11 year old girl can HIDE a crush? All those giggles and blushes and crazy things? And he was 17 and totally loved every minute of it. So...he and his "crew" decided to surprise us girls and brought over the guitars which they knew would make us SWOON with delight and played the song that made EVERY girl just GAH GAH at the time. Oh, and when they started playing this song...I think each and everyone of us just about melted to the ground in our feetie pajamas. And yes, when you hear it...you will fall over laughing and tell me that I am a total youngin'...just humor me will ya? This is my memory...get over it.

Music Video Codes By Musicjesus.com

The Touch

What is it about a single touch that is so intense...so profoundly important and special...that it gets etched in your memory forever? I'm not speaking of a sexual touch...although those can be etched in your memory too...if they are done right. ; ) I'm talking about a seemingly normal touch. A touch that if someone told you about it...you probably wouldn't think twice. You'd forget about it...go on with your day...have your Starbucks and go to your 9-5 corporate office boring ass job paying you a salary that will pay the rent of your loft apartment and feed your well-adjusted feline companion and never think about that touch that someone told you about. Well, let me make you think about it again. Because if you never experience this touch, I feel for you. So take a moment out of your day to hope for a touch like this. To hope that one day you'll feel this touch from someone that will set your soul on fire and make you never want to stop feeling the imprint of fingertips on skin.

In a crowded room with noise and people and things going on all around you, your mind is focused on some task or some object or something other than yourself. There are so many distractions going on all around you. The usual hustle and bustle that goes on every day. There are people in front of you, people to the left of you, people to the right of you...people ALL around you. Noise and somewhat organized chaos everywhere. You're with people you know, but you're still a little agitated at the crowd. Hot and thirsty, wondering what time it is...wondering where the restroom is...wondering when it's time to eat...and why isn't your cell phone working?? Mind racing. And then a hand. A familiar hand on the small of your back. Fingertips on skin. Just resting there for a moment. And the noise for that moment stops. The chaos stops. And there's only fingertips and skin and the two of you for just one moment in time. And that moment is etched. Forever. And when his fingertips leave your skin after just that one moment...you can still feel them there everytime you think of that moment.

I hope for each and every one of you that you have a touch like this in your lifetime. Or a moment like this...and more importantly than that. A love to go with it.

Love to all as always,

~*MareBear*~

Randomness Part 2

I finally got ahold of some of them there Vaults...happy me.

Clean sheets have to be the easiest and best indulgence that a person could ask for. Yesterday, I washed my sheets with Downy Simple Pleasures fabric softener...mmm...when I went to bed...it was like laying down on a bed of pure exquisite Jasmine and Vanilla yumminess. Send me stuff.

Nermil either went to a kitty cat shrink, got sick of asking ME for help, or busted a feline vocal cord...cause he's quieted down now..."SIMMA DOWN NOW!" Anyone? Anyone?? C'mon now!!

My cell phone is completely fubar...the screen is completely blank but the phone itself works just fine, I just can't SEE anything. No caller ID, no address book...no nothing...I can only tell when a select few people, my mom or my dad call me cause they are the only ones with special ring tones...sorry everyone else. You know, there was a time when we all just punched in the number and didn't scroll down a list and hit SEND when you found a name...and there was a time when you just said HELLO? when the phone went "ring" not when the phone played some cutesy little ringtone...but NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo...NOW my phone's default ringtone for everyone except for a select few is Sweet Home Alabama...so it COULD be Dr. FeelGood or it COULD BE a famous movie star such as Patrick Dempsey calling to say that he wants me to star on Grey's Anatomy as his secret sex goddess. And I sure as HELL can't miss that phone call, now can I??? Ah...sigh...do you see where this poses such a horrible and complicated problem for me??

The lampshade still needs dusting, but I'm thinking of making it somewhat of a artsy post-it note.

Someone please remind me to call the dang Pearl River Resort and ask them if they have fridges in the room...thank you.

My webcam worked fabulously for 3 whole days...and now it is fubar as well. I think it has an emotional attachment to my cell.

I have this wicked obsession with Maroon 5. And I've gotten my mother stuck on it too. We jam and rock our brains out on a daily basis. Yes, yes we do. One of these days I will be playing them on my geetar and I will rule the whole world. Yes, yes I will.

My mom is a self proclaimed pyromaniac and she builds fires in her firepit at least a couple of times a week on the back patio. It reminds me of my favorite part of camp...BONFIRES. But I wish that we would all 3 get our guitars and sit out there and play around our mini bonfire. But then our neighbors might call the cops and say that there are some hippies pretending that it's Woodstock in the damn suburbs of Jackson, MS. Screw em. We've got the mud. The cops can bring the hash and join in.

Whoever made the lint roller...really...I mean, congrats and whatnot...but I hope you didn't make TOO much money off that thing, because MILLIONS of moms around the planet have been wrapping their hands with scotch tape for years and patting their hands on their kid's pants for years ok? Give us a break.

Did you know that if you try to push all the keys on your keyboard at one time your computer makes this really cool beep noise?

Nermil is freaking meowing again.

Randomness

I am sunburnt from tanning 7 minutes in the tanning bed.

I am so tired that I can barely see the computer screen, yet here I sit blogging.

I want to go to Paris, yet can't really come up with good reasons why. I've just wanted to go my whole life.

I want a Vault right now, but I don't have any.

I wish my blog was as good as Dooce's but I don't have the talent, vocabulary, degree, Nikon D70, or Chuck.

I sometimes wish that I could have been like my childhood friend MA. I've mentioned her before. She always knew she what she wanted to be when she grew up...and now that's what she is. I wanted to be a doctor...now I spend my days yelling at them.

I want to love and be loved so passionately that it fills my heart to the point where it just about feels like it's going to burst....but not quite.

I want to walk in the rain....barefoot....in grass...and breathe it all in....and then lay down and roll around naked.

I don't want to hurt anymore.

I want to cry so hard that my eyes swell up and beat my fists on my pillow and get all the rage out and then I want to laugh until my tummy hurts.

My lampshade really needs to be dusted.

I want Nermil to stop meowing at me like I'm the savior of all kitty cats. Like I have the answer to all of his feline problems.

I want to be Mary Poppins and fly around with an umbrella and slide down banisters and still, amazingly, not frighten but ASTOUND small children.

I miss you...bad.

I wish we could be like the guys on Star Trek..."Beam me up, Scotty."

Caught up in the moment...got wild as hell....FroBacca...How bout like RIGHT NOW??...Princess Lardo...Bug Dog...YSVW...Fo Shizzle...Babygirl...Whatchoo talkin bout Willis??...password!!!...merde pepite...Biggest Loser...YAY...I lost ya again! You'll never lose me!...LY MI...Peace out...In Da Hood!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alrighty then...I think that's enough random thoughts by MareBear. Tune in next time. Over and out.