Why is it that we believe that another human being can make us happy? Why do we put so much investment into that? Especially when we KNOW that person is going to let us down, we throw our whole hearts into believing that that person is going to "be there." And then, SURPRISE!!! They aren't, and we're devastated. But it's not really THEIR fault...they didn't sign up to be our "happiness givers." But yet, when they utter those words, "I'm here for you," we cling to them like they are our life preserver in the stormy sea of life. We depend on them for our happiness. We measure our day by them. Let me explain. If this person says that they will call you, you wait by the phone...not so patiently...heart skipping a beat every time the phone rings. Your entire day could be filled with WONDERFUL things...it could be a FANTASTIC day. Great weather. Great health. Good food, good friends...everything goes your way...but if that phone doesn't ring with that certain person on the other end....ohhhhhhh no...it's a BAD DAY. You have just let one person ruin a very good day. All because you have let yourself become dependent on that one person for your happiness. But that's just human nature, right? You fall in love with someone, and you feel all those wonderful feelings of joy and happiness. So you attribute those feelings to that person. Therefore...you think that that PERSON is MAKING you happy. So you begin to EXPECT that person to make you happy from that point on. You become dependent on that. You take it for granted. And years down the road when you find yourself in a bad mood because of some outside circumstance...you usually find a way to blame it on the one you love. Because, hey...they are supposed to make it all better, right? Wrong. YOU are in charge of your own emotions. As sucky as that may be. It's EASY to depend on someone else for your happiness. It's HARD to depend on yourself for your own happiness because that means if your having a crappy day...it's your own damn fault!! You have no one to blame but yourself! How bad does that SUCK?!?! But it's the truth. And the truth hurts. It's a lot of pressure for our loved ones to be put under to be the ones who have our happiness in their hands. It's like saying, "CAUTION...one false move and I could chop your head off. Choose your words and actions wisely." However, if we take back control of our own emotions and happiness...if we say...I OWN this...then we can't ALLOW someone else to choose for us. And that's pretty empowering in itself, although easier said than done. If you don't get that phone call...ok...you might be a little bummed, but you've still had a great day. And when you DO get that phone call, it will ADD to your great day instead of making it. It will take the pressure off of the people we love giving them room to WANT to do more things that will ADD to our joy and happiness that we are already bringing ourselves. And it goes both ways...YOU can't make someone else happy...no matter how much you may want to or how hard you try. You can fight for their happiness...struggle for it...pray for it...WILL it to be so...but only THEY can make it happen for themselves. Just like YOU are the only person that can make it happen for you.
So, today...be happy because YOU are happy and not because you think someone made you that way. Sure...someone can always ADD to your happiness and that is a beautiful and wonderful thing. But no one can take away your power of emotions unless you let them. So when you smile today...let it be a smile straight and pure from your very own heart, and send out a prayer or hope or wish that the people you love can have an equally pure smile straight from their own hearts too.
Happily Yours Always
~*MareBear*~
April 16, 2006
April 15, 2006
The Baby Shower!!
So last weekend Mom and I went back to the Big Ham and surprised Aimes by showing up for her baby shower!! YAY!! I hadn't seen her since Christmas, so it was a surprise for me too!! She's about to spit out a BABY!!!! She looked absolutely GORGEOUS in her pink shirt and her pregnant belly. And I got to feel Miss Elizabeth Grace kick and move and tumble around in there. Although her mommy is starting to feel not-so-amused!! The baby shower was terrific and I tell you what...Aimes made OUT!!! She got TONS of stuff for her little baby girl! We got rolls of toilet paper and got to count out sheets to guess how many sheets would wrap around Aimes' belly. I guessed the correct number!! YAY!! 12! Here is a picture of the beautiful mommy and I've included a few more pics in the My Pictures link! Enjoy! I love you Aimes!! And I love you TOO Elizabeth Grace! I can't WAIT to meet you!! 
April 13, 2006
Bruce Wayne
Many of you may not know this...but I'm a godmother. Yep...that's right. To a little baby boy. His name happens to be Bruce Wayne. I know, I know. But it could have been worse. His daddy wanted to name him Batman. So his mommy compromised and the result was Bruce Wayne. Brucie is 7 months old and is the CUTEST little boy in the whole world. He is so full of energy. So full of energy in fact that it's almost hard to HOLD him he wiggles so much!! But he's such a joy to be around you just can't help but smile the minute you see him. And just like any parent, his mommy has bought him WAY too many toys when of course he can only play with ONE at a time! ; ) But that's ok. Babies like Brucie are allowed to be spoiled. One thing I'm a little concerned about though, but everyone assures me is TOTALLY normal........even though Bruce is 7 months old....he only weighs 4 pounds!
Bruce Wayne is a pure bred miniature rat terrier. And OH MY GOODNESS what a cutie he is. He prances around in absolute show dog style some of the time...the other times...he tears around like...well, like Batman. And his EARS are his best feature. He's very confident about them. Carries them well. The kitchen is his own "puppy condo" where he stays when mommy and daddy are both at work during the day. He has a crate where all of his toys are kept...and WOWZA is there a pile of them! My cousin Tammy (aka Tamster) and her fabulous hubby Justin are Brucie's mommy and daddy. I think having a puppy has been a lesson for them...Hey guys!! Here's what it'll be like to have a baby...well, take the pee and poop and sleepless nights and add some crying and drool and throw in horrible teenage years and multiply it times...oh, say 4 million!!! ; ) Love you guys!!! Give Brucie a big ole kiss from his godmomma!!
Oh yeah! And to see more pics of Brucie AND his mommy and daddy...go check out the My Pictures link!!
*Peace Out Peeps*
April 12, 2006
Impending Slice and Dice
Alrighty then...so my surgery is less than 2 weeks away. Yesterday I went to bank my 2nd unit of blood. Let me just give you a rundown of what happens when you donate blood if you've never had the joy of doing it. First, you go in and they lay you down in this really comfy chair...that part is to deceive you into thinking that you're in for a nice comfy ride. Next, they strap on a piece of rubber around your bicep so tight that your arm turns purple and veins you didn't even know you had bulge out so far that they could use them for dart tournaments. THEN...they bring out a baseball bat sized needle, tell you there will be a "small stick" and proceed to jam it in your most bulgingest vein. And yes, bulgingest IS a word now. Once the baseball bat is secured with duct tape, blood travels through a large hose into a garbage bag to collect your blood. I think I might have even seen a vampire on the receiving end getting a little sip or two. I made the mistake of asking the nurse if people actually fainted from giving such a massive amount of blood all at one time. "Oh YEAH!" she exclaimed. "All the time! They puke, too!" Niiiiiiiiice. So glad I asked. I would LOVE some of that cornbread right about now. I'd even catch it one-handed if they asked me to. Anyway, I got through the 2 units...I survived...and no, I didn't faint. Although both times, I did feel a bit woozy and had to have juice and a snack afterwards and felt like poop warmed over that night. So...I encourage ALL of you to go out and donate to your local Red Cross right now...you might just save a life!
Tomorrow I go for my pre-op stuff. EKG, MORE blood work (albeit NOT a garbage bag full), and maybe, JUST MAYBE, I'll see Dr. Fabulous so he can avoid more of my questions! I always look forward to an encounter with him. His warm, bored eyes. His white and straight teeth. His comforting and monotonous voice. His terrific way of reminding me every time I see him that I don't have insurance but that "it won't affect the quality of your care in ANY way." The silly way he acts like he wants to leave the room only 30 seconds after he got there. (I'm sure he's just playing hard to get.) GOSH...I can barely wait to see him! Too bad he's married. Seems like a great catch.
As for my state of mind...I'm as STABLE as ever. : ) And that says A LOT...you know me...steady as a rock. Mmmmm hmmm...And if you believe THAT...Bill Gates is my brother. I'm a little freaked out at the prospect of getting sliced on. ESPECIALLY by Dr. AssMunch. I may end up with a toilet paper roll holding my leg together. But I'm doing my best to keep it together and stay strong and keep my sense of humor. I am having quite a lot more down moments the closer I get to the actual surgery, but I'm trying not to fault myself TOO much for it. I still get out of bed every day. I still make sure I smile a lot. It's just hard sometimes when the reality hits me that yes...I know this surgery is going to help me. I know it is...and I know that all of you are very excited for me, and I appreciate that. But it's hard for me too. Hard to realize that I'm 25 years old, and I'm getting a HIP REPLACEMENT. And even after this is over, and I go through a bitch of a recovery, I have to start all over again with my right leg. It's a little daunting. And no, I'm not trying to be negative though it may seem that way. It may come across that way because it's just a lot for one person to take on. It's a lot for one person, one young woman that hopefully has a long future ahead of her, to realize. I want to live and be happy. Preferrably NOT in pain. I'd like to think that I've taken what God's given me so far and handled it with some semblance of grace. I know that I've learned a lot. And I pray that He gives me the chance to learn more. So I'm going to take this step. Hopefully with less pain and limp. And I am hoping that I'll have my "peeps" right there beside me the whole way. I couldn't have limped this far without you. And my $50,000 wiggle won't be the same if I can't show it off to you once I've got it!
Love to all AS always!
~*MareBear*~
Tomorrow I go for my pre-op stuff. EKG, MORE blood work (albeit NOT a garbage bag full), and maybe, JUST MAYBE, I'll see Dr. Fabulous so he can avoid more of my questions! I always look forward to an encounter with him. His warm, bored eyes. His white and straight teeth. His comforting and monotonous voice. His terrific way of reminding me every time I see him that I don't have insurance but that "it won't affect the quality of your care in ANY way." The silly way he acts like he wants to leave the room only 30 seconds after he got there. (I'm sure he's just playing hard to get.) GOSH...I can barely wait to see him! Too bad he's married. Seems like a great catch.
As for my state of mind...I'm as STABLE as ever. : ) And that says A LOT...you know me...steady as a rock. Mmmmm hmmm...And if you believe THAT...Bill Gates is my brother. I'm a little freaked out at the prospect of getting sliced on. ESPECIALLY by Dr. AssMunch. I may end up with a toilet paper roll holding my leg together. But I'm doing my best to keep it together and stay strong and keep my sense of humor. I am having quite a lot more down moments the closer I get to the actual surgery, but I'm trying not to fault myself TOO much for it. I still get out of bed every day. I still make sure I smile a lot. It's just hard sometimes when the reality hits me that yes...I know this surgery is going to help me. I know it is...and I know that all of you are very excited for me, and I appreciate that. But it's hard for me too. Hard to realize that I'm 25 years old, and I'm getting a HIP REPLACEMENT. And even after this is over, and I go through a bitch of a recovery, I have to start all over again with my right leg. It's a little daunting. And no, I'm not trying to be negative though it may seem that way. It may come across that way because it's just a lot for one person to take on. It's a lot for one person, one young woman that hopefully has a long future ahead of her, to realize. I want to live and be happy. Preferrably NOT in pain. I'd like to think that I've taken what God's given me so far and handled it with some semblance of grace. I know that I've learned a lot. And I pray that He gives me the chance to learn more. So I'm going to take this step. Hopefully with less pain and limp. And I am hoping that I'll have my "peeps" right there beside me the whole way. I couldn't have limped this far without you. And my $50,000 wiggle won't be the same if I can't show it off to you once I've got it!
Love to all AS always!
~*MareBear*~
April 06, 2006
Nermil's Poops
Nermil has the STINKIEST poops I have ever smelled in my life. Literally. My mom, bless her heart, has to rush to pooper scoop the litter box when Nermies poops because it fills the house with such a rank odor that we literally must hit the floor or run for gas masks as Nermil struts around as if he has just eaten the canary. And ANNIE...oh my gosh...if SHE gets a whiff of the heavenly aroma before we do...she goes hightailing it in there and has herself a scrumptious snack and then walks out of the room with litter lining her nose like a line of cocaine smacking her lips like she's just had Godiva chocolate. We have to have 2 litter boxes for Nermil. One in my bedroom and one in the laundry room. Rarely does Nermil poop in the one in my bedroom.
But one horrible night...
I had Annie in my bedroom because Mom was in Biloxi, and I let Annie sleep in my room when Mom's gone since I take care of her. So there I was talking on my cell phone with my door tightly sealed. My ceiling fan blazing (I have this thing about being freezing cold when I go to sleep). Annie is on the floor on her bed (which just so happens to be right next to the litter box) and she's sawing logs. Dad is down the hall in his office typing away on his computer. Nermies is playing around somewhere on the floor where I can't see him. Next thing I know I hear scratchscratchscratchscratch. Annie IMMEDIATELY wakes from her sound slumber and her nose starts working and her ears perk up. I sit straight up on the bed and silently plead, PLEASE Nermies let it just be pee, let it just be pee. Nermies stands there for a minute and stares back at the two of us while we are both waiting...Annie wanting one outcome...Me wanting a totally different one. After what seems like an eternity...........pooooooooooop!!!!!!!! I JUMP off the bed (yes, that IS possible for me in emergency situations such as this!) with the phone in one hand, yelling for Annie to STAY STAY STAY. She is shaking like a leaf at the sight of her precious addiction only inches from her grasp. I grab the door and yell for Dad as I am GAGGING from the smell that is permeating my pores. Nermies has bailed at this point. Left me to my own devices at solving this conundrum. Dad hears me screaming at Annie to stay and yelling at him to BRING A PLASTIC BAG and comes running around the corner to see me in a football tackle stance with my shirt covering my nose, phone in one hand, other hand waving frantically at Annie to STAY!!!!!!! "What's the matter?!?!," he asks. He's all worried...but then it hits him. Yep...hits him REEEEAAAAALLLLL good. Right up the damn NOSE. The contortion on his face said it all. "Nermies...poop....smell...Annie....needed...bag..." was pretty much all I could get out at that point. I had set down the phone and was somehow warding off Annie with my foot and scooping out the foul pile into the bag while tears were pouring down my face. I finally got it out to the trash can...the OUTSIDE trash can. And I think I sprayed an entire can of Oust in my bedroom and bathroom and down the hall. But it was too late...it had already entered my bloodstream. And Annie was HORRIFIED that she didn't get her fix. Once I flopped back down on the bed from pure exhaustion Nermies hopped up there and was like, MEOW!!! HI!! I POOPED!!! And I was like, I know you did!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!
And so, I thought I would share it with YOU! Go back to enjoying your breakfast now!
~*MareBear*~
But one horrible night...
I had Annie in my bedroom because Mom was in Biloxi, and I let Annie sleep in my room when Mom's gone since I take care of her. So there I was talking on my cell phone with my door tightly sealed. My ceiling fan blazing (I have this thing about being freezing cold when I go to sleep). Annie is on the floor on her bed (which just so happens to be right next to the litter box) and she's sawing logs. Dad is down the hall in his office typing away on his computer. Nermies is playing around somewhere on the floor where I can't see him. Next thing I know I hear scratchscratchscratchscratch. Annie IMMEDIATELY wakes from her sound slumber and her nose starts working and her ears perk up. I sit straight up on the bed and silently plead, PLEASE Nermies let it just be pee, let it just be pee. Nermies stands there for a minute and stares back at the two of us while we are both waiting...Annie wanting one outcome...Me wanting a totally different one. After what seems like an eternity...........pooooooooooop!!!!!!!! I JUMP off the bed (yes, that IS possible for me in emergency situations such as this!) with the phone in one hand, yelling for Annie to STAY STAY STAY. She is shaking like a leaf at the sight of her precious addiction only inches from her grasp. I grab the door and yell for Dad as I am GAGGING from the smell that is permeating my pores. Nermies has bailed at this point. Left me to my own devices at solving this conundrum. Dad hears me screaming at Annie to stay and yelling at him to BRING A PLASTIC BAG and comes running around the corner to see me in a football tackle stance with my shirt covering my nose, phone in one hand, other hand waving frantically at Annie to STAY!!!!!!! "What's the matter?!?!," he asks. He's all worried...but then it hits him. Yep...hits him REEEEAAAAALLLLL good. Right up the damn NOSE. The contortion on his face said it all. "Nermies...poop....smell...Annie....needed...bag..." was pretty much all I could get out at that point. I had set down the phone and was somehow warding off Annie with my foot and scooping out the foul pile into the bag while tears were pouring down my face. I finally got it out to the trash can...the OUTSIDE trash can. And I think I sprayed an entire can of Oust in my bedroom and bathroom and down the hall. But it was too late...it had already entered my bloodstream. And Annie was HORRIFIED that she didn't get her fix. Once I flopped back down on the bed from pure exhaustion Nermies hopped up there and was like, MEOW!!! HI!! I POOPED!!! And I was like, I know you did!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!
And so, I thought I would share it with YOU! Go back to enjoying your breakfast now!
~*MareBear*~
March 25, 2006
Who says?
Who says I can't eat spoonfuls of peanut butter and call that a lunch?
Who says my cat can't beat your cat in a cuteness war? BRING IT!
Who says that I can't say "ole", or that Mom can't say "hose pipe", or that Denise can't say "SHAMpoo"? Who made you king of phonetics and the English language? I'll say abracaDAMNdabra if I want to.
Who says I can't believe in love at first sight? Watch me.
Who says I can't cry for no reason at all? It's MY party...I'll cry if I want to!
Who says I have to hold the door open for you when you are walking through behind me so it doesn't slam in your face? I don't...but I do it anyway...but you know what? YOU DO have to say thank you!
Who says we can't all just get along? If everyone would just shut up and realize that my opinion is the only one that counts...we'd all have it made! <---And for those of you out there who read this and think, Oh mah gah...what a SELFISH PERSON...YOU are the ones we need to start with on the "making the world a better place" scenario....LEARN TO APPRECIATE SARCASM PEOPLE! Humor is what makes the world go round.
Who says that I can't pick a couple's name from the phone book...send the wife 2 dozen roses with a note saying they are from her husband...hope he takes the credit...and maybe, just maybe, spark a change in a relationship that has needed to happen for a decade?
Who says I can't believe in miracles?
Who says I'm TOO short, TOO fat, TOO tan, TOO loud, TOO dramatic, TOO sensitive, TOO emotional, TOO analytical, TOO proud, TOO attached, TOO impulsive? Does someone out there have a sharpie that draws the line before "TOO" on all people...like a standardized TOO-ness of the world? Or is it judged on an individual basis?
Who says I can't watch soap operas and like them? You gotta problem with that??? HUH?
Who says I'm too old to...play in the rain, color in coloring books, watch cartoons, wish big, love Winnie the Pooh with a passion, eat dry Cheerios one by one with my fingers, build a fort with blankets and the dining room chairs, let my mom brush my hair, walk barefoot EVERYWHERE, drink milk through a crazy straw, listen to a bedtime story, love with the wholeheartedness of a child?
Who says I have to end this post now? Nobody...but I'm gonna.
Who says my cat can't beat your cat in a cuteness war? BRING IT!
Who says that I can't say "ole", or that Mom can't say "hose pipe", or that Denise can't say "SHAMpoo"? Who made you king of phonetics and the English language? I'll say abracaDAMNdabra if I want to.
Who says I can't believe in love at first sight? Watch me.
Who says I can't cry for no reason at all? It's MY party...I'll cry if I want to!
Who says I have to hold the door open for you when you are walking through behind me so it doesn't slam in your face? I don't...but I do it anyway...but you know what? YOU DO have to say thank you!
Who says we can't all just get along? If everyone would just shut up and realize that my opinion is the only one that counts...we'd all have it made! <---And for those of you out there who read this and think, Oh mah gah...what a SELFISH PERSON...YOU are the ones we need to start with on the "making the world a better place" scenario....LEARN TO APPRECIATE SARCASM PEOPLE! Humor is what makes the world go round.
Who says that I can't pick a couple's name from the phone book...send the wife 2 dozen roses with a note saying they are from her husband...hope he takes the credit...and maybe, just maybe, spark a change in a relationship that has needed to happen for a decade?
Who says I can't believe in miracles?
Who says I'm TOO short, TOO fat, TOO tan, TOO loud, TOO dramatic, TOO sensitive, TOO emotional, TOO analytical, TOO proud, TOO attached, TOO impulsive? Does someone out there have a sharpie that draws the line before "TOO" on all people...like a standardized TOO-ness of the world? Or is it judged on an individual basis?
Who says I can't watch soap operas and like them? You gotta problem with that??? HUH?
Who says I'm too old to...play in the rain, color in coloring books, watch cartoons, wish big, love Winnie the Pooh with a passion, eat dry Cheerios one by one with my fingers, build a fort with blankets and the dining room chairs, let my mom brush my hair, walk barefoot EVERYWHERE, drink milk through a crazy straw, listen to a bedtime story, love with the wholeheartedness of a child?
Who says I have to end this post now? Nobody...but I'm gonna.
March 20, 2006
Some Random Things You May Not Know About Me
I used to have my eyebrow pierced. Yep, that's right. And my highschool graduation pictures show it proudly much to my parents' chagrin.
I used to be engaged. Yep, that's right. I was a teenager. I was stupid. He was a moron. And the ring was itty bitty and ugly. Some of my highschool graduation pictures ALSO show that piece of lovely jewelry. Much to mine AND my parents' chagrin.
I once ate a cricket covered in strawberry syrup...and I wasn't paid any money for it.
I can belch just as good as any man...and I am NOT ashamed to admit it.
I snort when I laugh. I mean, you have to get me laughing pretty darn hard...and I have to not be paying attention. But if you catch me in the right moment. I'll snort. Yes, I sure will. And boy, it's a doozy.
I talk baby talk to my cat. Oh, you SO did not already know that!
I have this uncanny ability to identify actors' voices in animated movies, animated tv shows and voice overs in commercials. Yeah, you know I'm cool.
I say "Bowl" not "Boyl" for the word BOIL. Like, I would like some bowled eggs please. And "Ole" not "Oyl" for the word OIL. Like, I'm gonna go get my ole changed. This annoys and cracks up my parents to no end. Especially my dad who just today asked me who Popeye's girlfriend was just to hear me say "Olive OLE."
I am someone's blue marshmallow.
I was born with a hole in my lung.
I am one of the pickiest eaters you will ever meet. If I don't like the texture, temperature, color, smell, or the way a food looks back at ME...I'm not eating it.
But I do like peanut butter and turkey sandwiches.
I love snakes, but I am scared to death of cockroaches. And every time I see one, I name him Charlie and scream for someone to come kill him for me.
I have this recurring nightmare that I am going to die from falling. Falling from a very high place. I am not afraid of heights. I am afraid of falling.
I am allergic to shellfish and shrimp.
I had childhood asthma, I grew out of it, and now I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day.
I bite my fingernails.
I wear my seatbelt.
I know how to change a flat tire. In the middle of the desert even.
I have loved so much it hurt. I have laughed so hard I cried. I have felt so much I went numb. I have walked until my legs gave out. I have slept for 4 days straight. I have stayed awake for 4 days straight. I have given. I have taken. I have won. I have lost. And I will do it again. Love more, laugh more, live more.
And stomp on more Charlies.
I used to be engaged. Yep, that's right. I was a teenager. I was stupid. He was a moron. And the ring was itty bitty and ugly. Some of my highschool graduation pictures ALSO show that piece of lovely jewelry. Much to mine AND my parents' chagrin.
I once ate a cricket covered in strawberry syrup...and I wasn't paid any money for it.
I can belch just as good as any man...and I am NOT ashamed to admit it.
I snort when I laugh. I mean, you have to get me laughing pretty darn hard...and I have to not be paying attention. But if you catch me in the right moment. I'll snort. Yes, I sure will. And boy, it's a doozy.
I talk baby talk to my cat. Oh, you SO did not already know that!
I have this uncanny ability to identify actors' voices in animated movies, animated tv shows and voice overs in commercials. Yeah, you know I'm cool.
I say "Bowl" not "Boyl" for the word BOIL. Like, I would like some bowled eggs please. And "Ole" not "Oyl" for the word OIL. Like, I'm gonna go get my ole changed. This annoys and cracks up my parents to no end. Especially my dad who just today asked me who Popeye's girlfriend was just to hear me say "Olive OLE."
I am someone's blue marshmallow.
I was born with a hole in my lung.
I am one of the pickiest eaters you will ever meet. If I don't like the texture, temperature, color, smell, or the way a food looks back at ME...I'm not eating it.
But I do like peanut butter and turkey sandwiches.
I love snakes, but I am scared to death of cockroaches. And every time I see one, I name him Charlie and scream for someone to come kill him for me.
I have this recurring nightmare that I am going to die from falling. Falling from a very high place. I am not afraid of heights. I am afraid of falling.
I am allergic to shellfish and shrimp.
I had childhood asthma, I grew out of it, and now I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day.
I bite my fingernails.
I wear my seatbelt.
I know how to change a flat tire. In the middle of the desert even.
I have loved so much it hurt. I have laughed so hard I cried. I have felt so much I went numb. I have walked until my legs gave out. I have slept for 4 days straight. I have stayed awake for 4 days straight. I have given. I have taken. I have won. I have lost. And I will do it again. Love more, laugh more, live more.
And stomp on more Charlies.
March 17, 2006
Time for More Pics! (And None of Them Include ME!! YAY!!!!)
This would be Mom and the pups, Annie and Whitney. Here, they are somewhat happy about their picture being taken. Although, in every pic we take of Whit...her eyes always take on a very evil glow. But she really is the sweetest dog ever.
2nd picture taken and the pups are DUNZO! But look how great Mom looks. Can you believe that this woman is 45? Yes Mom...I told the world that you are 45...BUT LOOK AT YOU! Be proud! I can only PRAY that I look like this when I'm her age. What a babe!
I think the dogs may have been abducted by alien invaders and dumped back out in the dirt yard to make it SEEM like they were only out there "basking" in the sun. Hmmm. Better keep an eye on those little buggers.
"Mission Impossible: Good morning Mr. Nermies. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to jump out of this box and scare the poop out of the next person or puppy that walks by. No one suspects you are even IN this box. It's the PERFECT hiding spot. You are SO brilliant Mr. Nermies. This message will self destruct in...what the..."
"MOMMY!!! I am TRYING to be a top SECRET AGENT HERE!!! Would you PLEASE get away from me with the darn camera already. Ugh! I bet Tom Cruise never ran into this problem."
This would be the dirt yard. We do not have grass yet. But we love our dirt yard in our own special way. One of these days it will be green. In the meantime as you can see at the bottom, mom has her potted plants while she dreams of a yard and garden!
We do have a strip of green from where the back neighbors have grown rye grass in their backyard and it's grown under the fence! That's where the pups usually go and lay. It's their strip of heaven.
March 16, 2006
Doom's Day
So...April 24th is THE day. The day of my hip replacement. Some of you already know this but I'm writing it down anyway. Because that's what I do. The nurse called and she just kept saying, "CONGRATULATIONS!! CONGRATULATIONS!!" Umm. Is there a party going on that I don't know about? Did I win the lottery and I just don't remember buying a damn ticket? *sigh* I realize that she thinks that this is a "new beginning" for me. And it is. A very freaking scary one. I'm very freaking scared. April 24th is looming dangerously close. But at least I have more than ONE week to prepare myself mentally. CAN you prepare yourself mentally for something so life altering? The other night I had a dream that I woke up in the hospital bed and they had put the new hip in the wrong leg. Granted, that leg will need a new hip eventually anyway, but I felt so angry and helpless. And the fact that I knew they had to take me right back into surgery to put a new hip in the CORRECT leg just about sent me over the "panic" ledge of the Grand Canyon of panic attacks. Needless to say, as Mom put it, if that really DID happen, BOTH of my legs would be fixed and we would own the hospital. But still. This just shows how anxious I am at this point. I hate to see how I am a week before the actual surgery.
So, anyway...that's what's happening with that. I have to go 28 days before my surgery to give my first unit of blood. There's been a bit of "confusion" with that. I say that in quotes because when I say "confusion," I mean that the Dr. Warmth and Charm is a complete IDIOT and has no idea what he's doing. When I left the clinic he had told me that I can just "walk in" to the blood bank and they would just "know what to do with you." Well, thank goodness that that sounded weird to me, and I CALLED the place. They told me that I needed a PRESCRIPTION from Dr. Genius with EXACT instructions on what to do, and then I'd have to HOPE I could get an appointment on the date I needed before my surgery. *sigh again* So, I put a call in to Dr. Always Accommodating and left him a message telling him what I need. He has yet to call me back. Go figure. So we will see if this affects my surgery date. It sure as hell better not.
Love to all as always!
~*MareBear*~
So, anyway...that's what's happening with that. I have to go 28 days before my surgery to give my first unit of blood. There's been a bit of "confusion" with that. I say that in quotes because when I say "confusion," I mean that the Dr. Warmth and Charm is a complete IDIOT and has no idea what he's doing. When I left the clinic he had told me that I can just "walk in" to the blood bank and they would just "know what to do with you." Well, thank goodness that that sounded weird to me, and I CALLED the place. They told me that I needed a PRESCRIPTION from Dr. Genius with EXACT instructions on what to do, and then I'd have to HOPE I could get an appointment on the date I needed before my surgery. *sigh again* So, I put a call in to Dr. Always Accommodating and left him a message telling him what I need. He has yet to call me back. Go figure. So we will see if this affects my surgery date. It sure as hell better not.
Love to all as always!
~*MareBear*~
March 12, 2006
Cave In
Another camp memory...this one a little longer and serious...one that can teach us all a lesson and give us something to think about. I was about 16 at the time.
At a weekend church retreat our youth minister divides us up into groups of 15. He purposely groups us in with people we don't know very well. I mean, we are all friends, but we aren't grouped in with our current boyfriends or best friends...things like that. It's about 9 PM, so it's pitch black outside, and he takes our group of 15 out for what we think will be a little nighttime tromp in the woods. We are loud and carrying on when we come upon a small building in the middle of the trees. It isn't even a building...it's more like a free-standing room with no windows. Just a door. A single door. Suddenly, the 15 of us get really quiet. The youth minister is the only one with a flashlight and he throws it off into the woods. What's this? I begin to get a little bit nervous. Small places with no light. Hmm. Not my idea of a cozy campfire night with my buds. So...we each step inside the room. There is barely enough room for the 15 of us to line the 4 walls. And we sit indian style on the floor. The youth minister comes in after us...shuts the door...locks it...darkness...silence.
After what seems like an eternity...whoosh...a small orange flame appears in the middle of the blackness as a candle is lit. Nervous and anxious faces begin to be illuminated and eyes squint and search for familiarity amongst the darkness. All eyes soon focus on the man who brought us here. We want answers...now. When the air is palpable with our silent questions...he begins what in reality is an imaginary story...but in our hearts becomes a very real and true journey.
"We've just gone on an expedition into a cave. All 16 of us. The opening to the cave has just collapsed, trapping us all inside. Workers have been called in and are in the process of digging a hole to get us out. Here's our dilemma. When they dig the hole, it will be unstable. There will only be enough room for one person at a time to crawl out. The hole can collapse at any time and once it does...they cannot reopen it. The only thing guaranteed is that at least ONE person WILL get out."
He let this sink in. None of us moved. None of us spoke. We just stared. He went on.
"So, now...we have just a few minutes to decide who will be that one person to get out. And then we must decide in WHAT order will we proceed from there. And once we do that, we will all have 2 minutes to tell the ONE person that we know will make it out what we want our loved ones on the outside to know...in case we happen to not make it. And just so you know, I will be going out last."
Woah. I'm not ready for this. And from the look of everyone else, they aren't either. But too late for not being ready. It's here...now. Decide. So we go around the room and give a half hearted vote on who we think should go first based on who we have on the outside...what we have on the outside...regrets...dreams...wishes...we were reaching for straws. We come up with someone. He was sitting right next to me. We were touching knees. I looked at him. He was going to make it. Even in the small orange light that was fading to blue I could see some relief in those eyes. But instead of being envious, I grabbed his hand and squeezed. He needed it more than me. And I was glad for him. He squeezed back. Hard. And the orange-blue light caught the reflection of moisture on his cheek.
Soon we had our order figured out...I was number 7 out of 16. About the middle. I was guessing that was better than number 15. She was looking a little green around the gills. We were eager to tell our number 1 everything we wanted our loved ones to know. Now he was looking a little wary. Can you imagine the burden to bear? He was so relieved to know that he was going to live...and now to carry the weight of what could be 15 other lives that perished on his heals. And he is carrying their very words on his lips to those they loved. We each took our full 2 minutes and poured our hearts out. Not a single person had a dry eye. I talked of my mom who was my hero, my best friend, my soul mate, my whole life...tell her Thank You...even though that could never be enough...I told him to tell my little sister that I'm sorry I wasn't there enough and I love her...I told him to tell my "step"dad that he had changed my whole world and given me a new definition on what a dad could really be...and that words could never begin to tell him what that meant to me...I told him to tell the rest of my family that I loved them...I started to tell him more...but my 2 minutes were up. 2 minutes goes by really fast when you want to say how much you love someone...let alone how much you love everyone who ever meant something to you.
The workers broke through...the door opened. And we lined up in order. Our instructions were this...Line up single file. Look straight ahead. Do not speak. Do not turn around and look behind you. Keep walking until you reach the lodge of the campgrounds. So we walked. And we didn't speak. And I thought it was a great lesson learned. And it was all over. I followed my fellow "cavemen" in a tight single file. Until I cheated about midway through the woods and turned and glanced over my shoulder. Remember....I was 7th in line. When I turned around. There was no one behind me. I was the last one who made it out alive.
I cried all the way back to camp. And when I got back everyone there had similar stories to tell. I ran and hugged all my friends and we all cried and said how much we loved each other. About 30 minutes later, the "dead" campers came back all swollen eyed and told their story of how they got trapped again and talked about how they would feel. It was an incredible experience. And one that I wanted to share because just...what if? What if you had just a moment or two to tell someone how you felt before you left this Earth? What if you, like me...couldn't even REMEMBER all the people you wanted to tell? I know it's totally cliche to say that you should never let a day go by without telling the people you love how you feel about them...and "Live each day as if it were your last." Well, ok...sure...much easier said than done. So, how about instead we just TRY to every now and then take a moment to pour our hearts out to those we love...just to make sure they KNOW how we feel. Have a "check-in" moment. Would that be so hard? In case we ever do find ourselves trapped in a cave...or at the receiving end of a scalpel during a major surgery. You know...one of those rare occurrences like that. ; )
Love to all AS always!
Forever yours,
MareBear
At a weekend church retreat our youth minister divides us up into groups of 15. He purposely groups us in with people we don't know very well. I mean, we are all friends, but we aren't grouped in with our current boyfriends or best friends...things like that. It's about 9 PM, so it's pitch black outside, and he takes our group of 15 out for what we think will be a little nighttime tromp in the woods. We are loud and carrying on when we come upon a small building in the middle of the trees. It isn't even a building...it's more like a free-standing room with no windows. Just a door. A single door. Suddenly, the 15 of us get really quiet. The youth minister is the only one with a flashlight and he throws it off into the woods. What's this? I begin to get a little bit nervous. Small places with no light. Hmm. Not my idea of a cozy campfire night with my buds. So...we each step inside the room. There is barely enough room for the 15 of us to line the 4 walls. And we sit indian style on the floor. The youth minister comes in after us...shuts the door...locks it...darkness...silence.
After what seems like an eternity...whoosh...a small orange flame appears in the middle of the blackness as a candle is lit. Nervous and anxious faces begin to be illuminated and eyes squint and search for familiarity amongst the darkness. All eyes soon focus on the man who brought us here. We want answers...now. When the air is palpable with our silent questions...he begins what in reality is an imaginary story...but in our hearts becomes a very real and true journey.
"We've just gone on an expedition into a cave. All 16 of us. The opening to the cave has just collapsed, trapping us all inside. Workers have been called in and are in the process of digging a hole to get us out. Here's our dilemma. When they dig the hole, it will be unstable. There will only be enough room for one person at a time to crawl out. The hole can collapse at any time and once it does...they cannot reopen it. The only thing guaranteed is that at least ONE person WILL get out."
He let this sink in. None of us moved. None of us spoke. We just stared. He went on.
"So, now...we have just a few minutes to decide who will be that one person to get out. And then we must decide in WHAT order will we proceed from there. And once we do that, we will all have 2 minutes to tell the ONE person that we know will make it out what we want our loved ones on the outside to know...in case we happen to not make it. And just so you know, I will be going out last."
Woah. I'm not ready for this. And from the look of everyone else, they aren't either. But too late for not being ready. It's here...now. Decide. So we go around the room and give a half hearted vote on who we think should go first based on who we have on the outside...what we have on the outside...regrets...dreams...wishes...we were reaching for straws. We come up with someone. He was sitting right next to me. We were touching knees. I looked at him. He was going to make it. Even in the small orange light that was fading to blue I could see some relief in those eyes. But instead of being envious, I grabbed his hand and squeezed. He needed it more than me. And I was glad for him. He squeezed back. Hard. And the orange-blue light caught the reflection of moisture on his cheek.
Soon we had our order figured out...I was number 7 out of 16. About the middle. I was guessing that was better than number 15. She was looking a little green around the gills. We were eager to tell our number 1 everything we wanted our loved ones to know. Now he was looking a little wary. Can you imagine the burden to bear? He was so relieved to know that he was going to live...and now to carry the weight of what could be 15 other lives that perished on his heals. And he is carrying their very words on his lips to those they loved. We each took our full 2 minutes and poured our hearts out. Not a single person had a dry eye. I talked of my mom who was my hero, my best friend, my soul mate, my whole life...tell her Thank You...even though that could never be enough...I told him to tell my little sister that I'm sorry I wasn't there enough and I love her...I told him to tell my "step"dad that he had changed my whole world and given me a new definition on what a dad could really be...and that words could never begin to tell him what that meant to me...I told him to tell the rest of my family that I loved them...I started to tell him more...but my 2 minutes were up. 2 minutes goes by really fast when you want to say how much you love someone...let alone how much you love everyone who ever meant something to you.
The workers broke through...the door opened. And we lined up in order. Our instructions were this...Line up single file. Look straight ahead. Do not speak. Do not turn around and look behind you. Keep walking until you reach the lodge of the campgrounds. So we walked. And we didn't speak. And I thought it was a great lesson learned. And it was all over. I followed my fellow "cavemen" in a tight single file. Until I cheated about midway through the woods and turned and glanced over my shoulder. Remember....I was 7th in line. When I turned around. There was no one behind me. I was the last one who made it out alive.
I cried all the way back to camp. And when I got back everyone there had similar stories to tell. I ran and hugged all my friends and we all cried and said how much we loved each other. About 30 minutes later, the "dead" campers came back all swollen eyed and told their story of how they got trapped again and talked about how they would feel. It was an incredible experience. And one that I wanted to share because just...what if? What if you had just a moment or two to tell someone how you felt before you left this Earth? What if you, like me...couldn't even REMEMBER all the people you wanted to tell? I know it's totally cliche to say that you should never let a day go by without telling the people you love how you feel about them...and "Live each day as if it were your last." Well, ok...sure...much easier said than done. So, how about instead we just TRY to every now and then take a moment to pour our hearts out to those we love...just to make sure they KNOW how we feel. Have a "check-in" moment. Would that be so hard? In case we ever do find ourselves trapped in a cave...or at the receiving end of a scalpel during a major surgery. You know...one of those rare occurrences like that. ; )
Love to all AS always!
Forever yours,
MareBear
March 09, 2006
Tigger (January 25, 1985 - March 9, 2006)
Tonight we put our sweet kitty, Tigger, to sleep. In a way, it was an extremely hard decision, in another way, it was an easy one.
She was 21 years old. She has been a part of our family since I can remember. Since I was 5 years old. The last year of her life she was completely deaf. But that didn't slow her down! If she wanted attention, she would walk right up behind you on the back of the couch and head-butt you. She couldn't hear herself meow...so I believe she held the world record for highest decibel kitty cat scream!
When I was little, she used to sleep right next to my head at night...right by my pillow. And I would whisper to her until I fell asleep. I would tell her my secrets. My hopes and my dreams. My little girl wishes. And as I got older, I would tell her all my heart's desires. Problems with my boyfriends. Rant to her about fights I had with friends or my mom. Cry to her when my heart was broken. And every chance I got, I buried my face in her soft fur and inhaled deeply. She always had this unique scent that smelled just like home. She moved with us from Alabama to Texas, from Texas to Alabama, with my parents from Alabama to North Carolina, and then from North Carolina finally to Mississippi. And her scent never changed. She always smelled like home. Like Tigger. When I was younger I used to tell my mom, "I'm going to take Tigger with me when I go to college!" Well, things didn't exactly happen that way. But, luckily, I got the chance to spend the last year living with her again. To my mom and me, she was more than just a cat. She was a love. A family member. A child, a sister. A secret keeper. A snuggler.
Tonight we decided that we needed to say goodbye. We wanted to remember her while she was still just a little bit lively. She was starting to fade and we didn't want to watch her waste away. We can be happy knowing that she is bouncing around as high as she did when she was a kitten. (Which is how she got her name.) Playing with an endless supply of shoelaces and strings. Catnip and kitty treats in abundance. And we know one day we will meet her again at Rainbow Bridge.
We love you baby Tigger. You gave us so much joy. I can only hope and pray that we returned your love and purrs with half as much enthusiasm as you gave to us.
Yours forever and always.
She was 21 years old. She has been a part of our family since I can remember. Since I was 5 years old. The last year of her life she was completely deaf. But that didn't slow her down! If she wanted attention, she would walk right up behind you on the back of the couch and head-butt you. She couldn't hear herself meow...so I believe she held the world record for highest decibel kitty cat scream!
When I was little, she used to sleep right next to my head at night...right by my pillow. And I would whisper to her until I fell asleep. I would tell her my secrets. My hopes and my dreams. My little girl wishes. And as I got older, I would tell her all my heart's desires. Problems with my boyfriends. Rant to her about fights I had with friends or my mom. Cry to her when my heart was broken. And every chance I got, I buried my face in her soft fur and inhaled deeply. She always had this unique scent that smelled just like home. She moved with us from Alabama to Texas, from Texas to Alabama, with my parents from Alabama to North Carolina, and then from North Carolina finally to Mississippi. And her scent never changed. She always smelled like home. Like Tigger. When I was younger I used to tell my mom, "I'm going to take Tigger with me when I go to college!" Well, things didn't exactly happen that way. But, luckily, I got the chance to spend the last year living with her again. To my mom and me, she was more than just a cat. She was a love. A family member. A child, a sister. A secret keeper. A snuggler.
Tonight we decided that we needed to say goodbye. We wanted to remember her while she was still just a little bit lively. She was starting to fade and we didn't want to watch her waste away. We can be happy knowing that she is bouncing around as high as she did when she was a kitten. (Which is how she got her name.) Playing with an endless supply of shoelaces and strings. Catnip and kitty treats in abundance. And we know one day we will meet her again at Rainbow Bridge.
We love you baby Tigger. You gave us so much joy. I can only hope and pray that we returned your love and purrs with half as much enthusiasm as you gave to us.
Yours forever and always.
March 08, 2006
To Be With You
When I was about 11, my best friend MA and I went to camp to Panama City Beach, FL for a week during the summer. For those of you who ever went on a week-long camp retreat...gosh...they were SO much fun...especially the beach trips. Days just playing in the sand. Hanging out by the pool. Singing by the bonfire at night on the beach. Cute boys playing the guitars. You always came back with sand in your clothes and bags and sun on your skin and stories to tell. Not a care in the world. The reason I bring this up now is because last night I had a blast from the past. A little reminder of this particular camping adventure. You see. One night after the girls in our little cabin had "supposedly" gone to bed, the guys from the cabin up the beach came over. MA and I just happened to have a MASSIVE crush on the counselor of that particular cabin. And of course he knew it. What 11 year old girl can HIDE a crush? All those giggles and blushes and crazy things? And he was 17 and totally loved every minute of it. So...he and his "crew" decided to surprise us girls and brought over the guitars which they knew would make us SWOON with delight and played the song that made EVERY girl just GAH GAH at the time. Oh, and when they started playing this song...I think each and everyone of us just about melted to the ground in our feetie pajamas. And yes, when you hear it...you will fall over laughing and tell me that I am a total youngin'...just humor me will ya? This is my memory...get over it.
Music Video Codes By Musicjesus.com
Music Video Codes By Musicjesus.com
March 07, 2006
The Touch
What is it about a single touch that is so intense...so profoundly important and special...that it gets etched in your memory forever? I'm not speaking of a sexual touch...although those can be etched in your memory too...if they are done right. ; ) I'm talking about a seemingly normal touch. A touch that if someone told you about it...you probably wouldn't think twice. You'd forget about it...go on with your day...have your Starbucks and go to your 9-5 corporate office boring ass job paying you a salary that will pay the rent of your loft apartment and feed your well-adjusted feline companion and never think about that touch that someone told you about. Well, let me make you think about it again. Because if you never experience this touch, I feel for you. So take a moment out of your day to hope for a touch like this. To hope that one day you'll feel this touch from someone that will set your soul on fire and make you never want to stop feeling the imprint of fingertips on skin.
In a crowded room with noise and people and things going on all around you, your mind is focused on some task or some object or something other than yourself. There are so many distractions going on all around you. The usual hustle and bustle that goes on every day. There are people in front of you, people to the left of you, people to the right of you...people ALL around you. Noise and somewhat organized chaos everywhere. You're with people you know, but you're still a little agitated at the crowd. Hot and thirsty, wondering what time it is...wondering where the restroom is...wondering when it's time to eat...and why isn't your cell phone working?? Mind racing. And then a hand. A familiar hand on the small of your back. Fingertips on skin. Just resting there for a moment. And the noise for that moment stops. The chaos stops. And there's only fingertips and skin and the two of you for just one moment in time. And that moment is etched. Forever. And when his fingertips leave your skin after just that one moment...you can still feel them there everytime you think of that moment.
I hope for each and every one of you that you have a touch like this in your lifetime. Or a moment like this...and more importantly than that. A love to go with it.
Love to all as always,
~*MareBear*~
In a crowded room with noise and people and things going on all around you, your mind is focused on some task or some object or something other than yourself. There are so many distractions going on all around you. The usual hustle and bustle that goes on every day. There are people in front of you, people to the left of you, people to the right of you...people ALL around you. Noise and somewhat organized chaos everywhere. You're with people you know, but you're still a little agitated at the crowd. Hot and thirsty, wondering what time it is...wondering where the restroom is...wondering when it's time to eat...and why isn't your cell phone working?? Mind racing. And then a hand. A familiar hand on the small of your back. Fingertips on skin. Just resting there for a moment. And the noise for that moment stops. The chaos stops. And there's only fingertips and skin and the two of you for just one moment in time. And that moment is etched. Forever. And when his fingertips leave your skin after just that one moment...you can still feel them there everytime you think of that moment.
I hope for each and every one of you that you have a touch like this in your lifetime. Or a moment like this...and more importantly than that. A love to go with it.
Love to all as always,
~*MareBear*~
March 05, 2006
Randomness Part 2
I finally got ahold of some of them there Vaults...happy me.
Clean sheets have to be the easiest and best indulgence that a person could ask for. Yesterday, I washed my sheets with Downy Simple Pleasures fabric softener...mmm...when I went to bed...it was like laying down on a bed of pure exquisite Jasmine and Vanilla yumminess. Send me stuff.
Nermil either went to a kitty cat shrink, got sick of asking ME for help, or busted a feline vocal cord...cause he's quieted down now..."SIMMA DOWN NOW!" Anyone? Anyone?? C'mon now!!
My cell phone is completely fubar...the screen is completely blank but the phone itself works just fine, I just can't SEE anything. No caller ID, no address book...no nothing...I can only tell when a select few people, my mom or my dad call me cause they are the only ones with special ring tones...sorry everyone else. You know, there was a time when we all just punched in the number and didn't scroll down a list and hit SEND when you found a name...and there was a time when you just said HELLO? when the phone went "ring" not when the phone played some cutesy little ringtone...but NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo...NOW my phone's default ringtone for everyone except for a select few is Sweet Home Alabama...so it COULD be Dr. FeelGood or it COULD BE a famous movie star such as Patrick Dempsey calling to say that he wants me to star on Grey's Anatomy as his secret sex goddess. And I sure as HELL can't miss that phone call, now can I??? Ah...sigh...do you see where this poses such a horrible and complicated problem for me??
The lampshade still needs dusting, but I'm thinking of making it somewhat of a artsy post-it note.
Someone please remind me to call the dang Pearl River Resort and ask them if they have fridges in the room...thank you.
My webcam worked fabulously for 3 whole days...and now it is fubar as well. I think it has an emotional attachment to my cell.
I have this wicked obsession with Maroon 5. And I've gotten my mother stuck on it too. We jam and rock our brains out on a daily basis. Yes, yes we do. One of these days I will be playing them on my geetar and I will rule the whole world. Yes, yes I will.
My mom is a self proclaimed pyromaniac and she builds fires in her firepit at least a couple of times a week on the back patio. It reminds me of my favorite part of camp...BONFIRES. But I wish that we would all 3 get our guitars and sit out there and play around our mini bonfire. But then our neighbors might call the cops and say that there are some hippies pretending that it's Woodstock in the damn suburbs of Jackson, MS. Screw em. We've got the mud. The cops can bring the hash and join in.
Whoever made the lint roller...really...I mean, congrats and whatnot...but I hope you didn't make TOO much money off that thing, because MILLIONS of moms around the planet have been wrapping their hands with scotch tape for years and patting their hands on their kid's pants for years ok? Give us a break.
Did you know that if you try to push all the keys on your keyboard at one time your computer makes this really cool beep noise?
Nermil is freaking meowing again.
Clean sheets have to be the easiest and best indulgence that a person could ask for. Yesterday, I washed my sheets with Downy Simple Pleasures fabric softener...mmm...when I went to bed...it was like laying down on a bed of pure exquisite Jasmine and Vanilla yumminess. Send me stuff.
Nermil either went to a kitty cat shrink, got sick of asking ME for help, or busted a feline vocal cord...cause he's quieted down now..."SIMMA DOWN NOW!" Anyone? Anyone?? C'mon now!!
My cell phone is completely fubar...the screen is completely blank but the phone itself works just fine, I just can't SEE anything. No caller ID, no address book...no nothing...I can only tell when a select few people, my mom or my dad call me cause they are the only ones with special ring tones...sorry everyone else. You know, there was a time when we all just punched in the number and didn't scroll down a list and hit SEND when you found a name...and there was a time when you just said HELLO? when the phone went "ring" not when the phone played some cutesy little ringtone...but NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo...NOW my phone's default ringtone for everyone except for a select few is Sweet Home Alabama...so it COULD be Dr. FeelGood or it COULD BE a famous movie star such as Patrick Dempsey calling to say that he wants me to star on Grey's Anatomy as his secret sex goddess. And I sure as HELL can't miss that phone call, now can I??? Ah...sigh...do you see where this poses such a horrible and complicated problem for me??
The lampshade still needs dusting, but I'm thinking of making it somewhat of a artsy post-it note.
Someone please remind me to call the dang Pearl River Resort and ask them if they have fridges in the room...thank you.
My webcam worked fabulously for 3 whole days...and now it is fubar as well. I think it has an emotional attachment to my cell.
I have this wicked obsession with Maroon 5. And I've gotten my mother stuck on it too. We jam and rock our brains out on a daily basis. Yes, yes we do. One of these days I will be playing them on my geetar and I will rule the whole world. Yes, yes I will.
My mom is a self proclaimed pyromaniac and she builds fires in her firepit at least a couple of times a week on the back patio. It reminds me of my favorite part of camp...BONFIRES. But I wish that we would all 3 get our guitars and sit out there and play around our mini bonfire. But then our neighbors might call the cops and say that there are some hippies pretending that it's Woodstock in the damn suburbs of Jackson, MS. Screw em. We've got the mud. The cops can bring the hash and join in.
Whoever made the lint roller...really...I mean, congrats and whatnot...but I hope you didn't make TOO much money off that thing, because MILLIONS of moms around the planet have been wrapping their hands with scotch tape for years and patting their hands on their kid's pants for years ok? Give us a break.
Did you know that if you try to push all the keys on your keyboard at one time your computer makes this really cool beep noise?
Nermil is freaking meowing again.
March 03, 2006
Randomness
I am sunburnt from tanning 7 minutes in the tanning bed.
I am so tired that I can barely see the computer screen, yet here I sit blogging.
I want to go to Paris, yet can't really come up with good reasons why. I've just wanted to go my whole life.
I want a Vault right now, but I don't have any.
I wish my blog was as good as Dooce's but I don't have the talent, vocabulary, degree, Nikon D70, or Chuck.
I sometimes wish that I could have been like my childhood friend MA. I've mentioned her before. She always knew she what she wanted to be when she grew up...and now that's what she is. I wanted to be a doctor...now I spend my days yelling at them.
I want to love and be loved so passionately that it fills my heart to the point where it just about feels like it's going to burst....but not quite.
I want to walk in the rain....barefoot....in grass...and breathe it all in....and then lay down and roll around naked.
I don't want to hurt anymore.
I want to cry so hard that my eyes swell up and beat my fists on my pillow and get all the rage out and then I want to laugh until my tummy hurts.
My lampshade really needs to be dusted.
I want Nermil to stop meowing at me like I'm the savior of all kitty cats. Like I have the answer to all of his feline problems.
I want to be Mary Poppins and fly around with an umbrella and slide down banisters and still, amazingly, not frighten but ASTOUND small children.
I miss you...bad.
I wish we could be like the guys on Star Trek..."Beam me up, Scotty."
Caught up in the moment...got wild as hell....FroBacca...How bout like RIGHT NOW??...Princess Lardo...Bug Dog...YSVW...Fo Shizzle...Babygirl...Whatchoo talkin bout Willis??...password!!!...merde pepite...Biggest Loser...YAY...I lost ya again! You'll never lose me!...LY MI...Peace out...In Da Hood!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alrighty then...I think that's enough random thoughts by MareBear. Tune in next time. Over and out.
I am so tired that I can barely see the computer screen, yet here I sit blogging.
I want to go to Paris, yet can't really come up with good reasons why. I've just wanted to go my whole life.
I want a Vault right now, but I don't have any.
I wish my blog was as good as Dooce's but I don't have the talent, vocabulary, degree, Nikon D70, or Chuck.
I sometimes wish that I could have been like my childhood friend MA. I've mentioned her before. She always knew she what she wanted to be when she grew up...and now that's what she is. I wanted to be a doctor...now I spend my days yelling at them.
I want to love and be loved so passionately that it fills my heart to the point where it just about feels like it's going to burst....but not quite.
I want to walk in the rain....barefoot....in grass...and breathe it all in....and then lay down and roll around naked.
I don't want to hurt anymore.
I want to cry so hard that my eyes swell up and beat my fists on my pillow and get all the rage out and then I want to laugh until my tummy hurts.
My lampshade really needs to be dusted.
I want Nermil to stop meowing at me like I'm the savior of all kitty cats. Like I have the answer to all of his feline problems.
I want to be Mary Poppins and fly around with an umbrella and slide down banisters and still, amazingly, not frighten but ASTOUND small children.
I miss you...bad.
I wish we could be like the guys on Star Trek..."Beam me up, Scotty."
Caught up in the moment...got wild as hell....FroBacca...How bout like RIGHT NOW??...Princess Lardo...Bug Dog...YSVW...Fo Shizzle...Babygirl...Whatchoo talkin bout Willis??...password!!!...merde pepite...Biggest Loser...YAY...I lost ya again! You'll never lose me!...LY MI...Peace out...In Da Hood!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alrighty then...I think that's enough random thoughts by MareBear. Tune in next time. Over and out.
February 28, 2006
No Longer A Cyborg
So what I failed to mention in the last post is that when I was in the doc's office I asked them to do a metal allergy test to see if I would have an allergic reaction to the metal that would be on my hip replacement. I was unaware that there would be ANY metal on it since it's a ceramic hip, but there will be metal pieces to it. Anywho...I am super sensitive to certain metals...can't wear certain earrings and had to take out my belly button ring because it was all the time getting infected. SO...the doc had me tape 2 metal disks about the size of quarters to the inside of my arm for a week. That was rather annoying. I felt somewhat like a cyborg. And showering proved to be interesting to say the least. Thank goodness THIS weekend wasn't the weekend I had to go to Chicago...can you see me trying to explain THAT to the airport security check people? Umm yes...I know I have 2 metal disks taped to my arm...you see...here's the thing..... HA! Anyway, I went BACK to the doc today...because I just LOVE seeing his beautiful smiling face and feeling him radiate warmth and inspiration wherever he goes. No really...that's why I went back. SO...I take off the tape, and he says, NEGATIVE on the allergic stuff. SO YAY! I can go on with the hip replacement unless I'm a freak who's allergic to ceramic! ; ) He asked me if I still wanted to go through with it, or if I needed more time to think about it...since last time I was sitting in front of him all the blood rushed out of my body when he mentioned the surgery and I wanted to punch his pearly white teeth out of his head. But I said, YES...I do want to have it, BUT!!!! It must be AFTER the first week of April, because I am BOOKED until then! ; ) I might possibly be going to Biloxi this weekend. Then Aunt K and Uncle J are coming the weekend of the 10th...then sometime in the 2 weeks after THAT Cuz A, Cuz J and baby not born yet E G will be "gracing" us with their presence. And then, Billy will be coming to stay the last weekend in March/first weekend in April!!! YAY!! Oh, have I said YAY yet?? ; ) So I told Dr. Crap-for-Brains that I needed him to schedule it sometime AFTER all my social engagements! HA! He said, OK then...I'll call you. Yeah...ok...have your people call my people...Assmunch.
Alrighty then...so, I'm not allergic to metal...I'm no longer feeling like a cyborg...I've got my peeps coming to see me...and I am getting my surgery scheduled in a decent amount of time to where I can get myself all prepared. *sigh* Things always work out, don't they? ; )
Love to all as always!
You're one and only ~*MareBear*~
Alrighty then...so, I'm not allergic to metal...I'm no longer feeling like a cyborg...I've got my peeps coming to see me...and I am getting my surgery scheduled in a decent amount of time to where I can get myself all prepared. *sigh* Things always work out, don't they? ; )
Love to all as always!
You're one and only ~*MareBear*~
February 22, 2006
Panic Attack!!!
So I go to the ortho doc yesterday. Dr. Warmth-and-Charm walks in and I tell him that I don't want to have the CD on March 1st. He says, "Well, ok...let's do the hip replacement then." I was like, Exsqueeze me??? I think not. Many of you are asking at this point, well WHY NOT MARE?!?!? And that's exactly what HE asked, "WHY NOT?!? This is what YOU wanted!!" See this is the original doc that I saw that told me I absolutely could not have a hip replacement because I was too young before he even looked at my x-rays. I tore him a new one and told him, OH YES I WILL have one. Told him that I knew a lot about AVN and knew what I was talking about! (Docs just LOVE that...especially 5th year residents like Doc Charming here.) So when he finally DID get around to looking at my x-rays that first day, he was TICKED to discover that *aghast* the patient was RIGHT!! I DID need a hip replacement! He looked perfectly GREY that day. But YESTERDAY he was getting a kick out of me being vulnerable. But...I was not having it...no way, no how. I am not mentally prepared to have a total hip replacement in a week. I was thinking I was going to have a CD surgery. I was thinking I was going to be in a wheelchair for 2 months, then I'd stand up and be walking around, STILL WITH MY OWN BONES in my body!! What HE was talking about is a whole different set of circumstances. I'd have FAKE parts in my body and not be able to bend over 90 degrees for MONTHS...not be able to put on my own socks...not know my limitations...the UNKNOWN which I have talked about before...and I'm sorry, but I just can't prepare for all of that in a WEEK!!!!!!!!!
But I feel like a coward. I am still going to get the hip replacement. I will. It will now be scheduled for PROBABLY 2-3 months from now at the earliest. I go back to see this Dr. Wonderful in a week because I had to do a metal allergy test. So hopefully he can give me a better idea as to when he has scheduled it then. But I feel like a failure and a coward. Here I was screaming from the rooftops and yelling to ANYONE who could hear me that I NEED AND DESERVE a hip replacement. And now they are handing me one right in my face and I'm telling them to TAKE IT BACK. I'm scared out of my mind. SCARED TO DEATH. I don't want it. I don't want this disease. I want to hand it to someone else now. Someone else can have it. I'm through being strong. I'm through being the advocate. I'm just done. I hate it. I don't want any of it anymore. I'm tired of hurting every day. I'm tired of planning my days around THIS. I'm tired of not living. But at the same time, I'm so scared to go into that unknown place. How long before I can bend down and put on my socks? How long before I can bring my knee up in my chair? Which ways can I move without being scared that my hip will dislocate? Will I ever be able to run with my children that I now know I can have them?? All these damn questions.
So...here I sit tonight...feeling panicky and stressed and guilty and scared and lots of other things. I will have the hip replacement. But I won't be having it March 1st. If there are people out there STILL wondering why...you can bite me. If you love and care about me, but for some crazy reason are still having a hard time understanding why I didn't have the hip replacement March 1st, please just try to bear with me. I will get there eventually.
Love to all as always,
~*MareBear*~
But I feel like a coward. I am still going to get the hip replacement. I will. It will now be scheduled for PROBABLY 2-3 months from now at the earliest. I go back to see this Dr. Wonderful in a week because I had to do a metal allergy test. So hopefully he can give me a better idea as to when he has scheduled it then. But I feel like a failure and a coward. Here I was screaming from the rooftops and yelling to ANYONE who could hear me that I NEED AND DESERVE a hip replacement. And now they are handing me one right in my face and I'm telling them to TAKE IT BACK. I'm scared out of my mind. SCARED TO DEATH. I don't want it. I don't want this disease. I want to hand it to someone else now. Someone else can have it. I'm through being strong. I'm through being the advocate. I'm just done. I hate it. I don't want any of it anymore. I'm tired of hurting every day. I'm tired of planning my days around THIS. I'm tired of not living. But at the same time, I'm so scared to go into that unknown place. How long before I can bend down and put on my socks? How long before I can bring my knee up in my chair? Which ways can I move without being scared that my hip will dislocate? Will I ever be able to run with my children that I now know I can have them?? All these damn questions.
So...here I sit tonight...feeling panicky and stressed and guilty and scared and lots of other things. I will have the hip replacement. But I won't be having it March 1st. If there are people out there STILL wondering why...you can bite me. If you love and care about me, but for some crazy reason are still having a hard time understanding why I didn't have the hip replacement March 1st, please just try to bear with me. I will get there eventually.
Love to all as always,
~*MareBear*~
February 20, 2006
Babies
This is something that I don't talk about...ever...until recently with a few select people, and now I will share with the rest of the universe. Because well...that's just what I do. Blab my business all over the world. Most of it anyway! ; ) For many years I thought that I could not have kids. A doctor told me that when I was 17 years old. You see...when I was 17 I had a really bad miscarraige. I will not put details here. It was traumatic and awful and this horrible doctor got in my face and told me that because it was so bad...forget ever having kids. So in the back of my mind...that stuck with me. Then I get steroids pumped in me which screw up my entire system and get AVN and I find out I have to have BOTH of my hips replaced. WOW...here I'm thinking. OK...Now I won't be able to carry a child because of that either! Now...there are many of you out there that would say, Gee, that's too bad...go adopt. Hmm. Let me tell you a little bit about me that not many people know.
My mother had me when she was barely 20 years old. From the time I was 4 years old it was me and my mom against the world. We were and are best friends. Soul mates. We share a connection that is stronger than any bond I've ever encountered. She knows what I'm thinking even when I'm a thousand miles away from her. I can tell what she is feeling just from a flick of her eyes. She has raised me to believe in myself. She has let me take my own falls, but been right there to pick me back up again. She has shown me what it's like to take joy in being a mother and a friend to your child. Because of her, my ENTIRE LIFE, I have wanted that. To be a mother. To have a child that I could call my own. To have a connection with. To breathe life into and raise up to be a good person. I know...it's every parent's dream to raise a child like that. I have DESPERATELY wanted to be able to do that. To be able to create a child with someone you love and care for and there's this tiny little being that is just the combination of the two of you! It's unbelievable to me!!!
So I go in for tests last week. A bunch of yucky tests. And today, I went back to the docs office for the news I've been wanting to hear since I was 17 years old.
There is NO physical reason why I can't have a child that they can tell. The doc who told me that when I was 17 was probably just trying to scare me and they did a damn good job of it. As for my hip replacements...I CAN carry a baby completely to term no problem. I just might have to have a C-section for delivery.
This was huge news. News I was not expecting to hear. I had completely prepared myself that I couldn't have kids. Even practically told people that I couldn't have them. Because I had believed that for so long. Mom and I went out into the lobby of the medical building and I just cried. I just stopped where I was and cried. And then I couldn't stop smiling. And I'm still smiling now. : ) The best thing about the whole thing was...my wonderful mom was there to hear that news with me. And if there does come a time when I'm blessed enough to have a baby...I hope she's right there with me the whole way!
Love to all as always,
~*MareBear*~
My mother had me when she was barely 20 years old. From the time I was 4 years old it was me and my mom against the world. We were and are best friends. Soul mates. We share a connection that is stronger than any bond I've ever encountered. She knows what I'm thinking even when I'm a thousand miles away from her. I can tell what she is feeling just from a flick of her eyes. She has raised me to believe in myself. She has let me take my own falls, but been right there to pick me back up again. She has shown me what it's like to take joy in being a mother and a friend to your child. Because of her, my ENTIRE LIFE, I have wanted that. To be a mother. To have a child that I could call my own. To have a connection with. To breathe life into and raise up to be a good person. I know...it's every parent's dream to raise a child like that. I have DESPERATELY wanted to be able to do that. To be able to create a child with someone you love and care for and there's this tiny little being that is just the combination of the two of you! It's unbelievable to me!!!
So I go in for tests last week. A bunch of yucky tests. And today, I went back to the docs office for the news I've been wanting to hear since I was 17 years old.
There is NO physical reason why I can't have a child that they can tell. The doc who told me that when I was 17 was probably just trying to scare me and they did a damn good job of it. As for my hip replacements...I CAN carry a baby completely to term no problem. I just might have to have a C-section for delivery.
This was huge news. News I was not expecting to hear. I had completely prepared myself that I couldn't have kids. Even practically told people that I couldn't have them. Because I had believed that for so long. Mom and I went out into the lobby of the medical building and I just cried. I just stopped where I was and cried. And then I couldn't stop smiling. And I'm still smiling now. : ) The best thing about the whole thing was...my wonderful mom was there to hear that news with me. And if there does come a time when I'm blessed enough to have a baby...I hope she's right there with me the whole way!
Love to all as always,
~*MareBear*~
February 16, 2006
Chicago Skyline and Lake Pics
Here is just a FRACTION of beautiful Lake Michigan right as we were walking up to the aquarium!
Here is part of the Chicago skyline from the front of the aquarium. The really tall building you see with the pointy things on top is the Sears Tower. Next time I'm up there I MIGHT get the courage to go up in THAT building!! (without throwing up of course!)
Another view of Chicago skyline! On the way back from the aquarium we got to see it all lit up at night and it was unbelievably beautiful!
Yet another view...through some trees and lamposts! : )
I took this of the lake and skyline when it first started to snow. Gosh, just looking at this picture makes me shiver!! It was SO cold!! But wow, it was pretty.
Here's a better view of the lake with the skyline in the distance when it first started to snow. Looks so quiet and cold!
Chicago Aquarium Pics
This is the front of the Shedd Aquarium! So beautiful. Unfortunately, you can't tell from this picture that there is a gigantic staircase that we had to climb up to get inside! ; )
Munchkin and I couldn't resist taking this one...It's FREEZING outside and they have an ICE CREAM stand...umm...anyone else see where this is a little ODD??
This would be Mr. Anaconda. You can see his skin hanging from that branch and Mr. Anaconda himself is at the bottom center of the pic. It's kind of hard to see him, but he is there! Huge and fat!
This fabulous guy was LOVING the camera. He nodded at everyone standing at his cage to "Go ahead and TAKE MY PICTURE!" So that's exactly what I did!
I do believe that these were my favorite critters in the whole place! They were SO cute and I got about a zillion pics of them. They were all over the place, diving off rocks into their little pool of water. Cute and cuddly, boys...Cute and cuddly!
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